*grumble*
February 14, 2005 � 11:51 p.m.

I hate this day.

I hate that this day will always be 4 days before my birthday.

I hate that every fucking year, even when I'm with someone, this day and my birthday are always days when I'm guaranteed to feel like shit.

I haven't talked to Swiz in 2 months. I really did expect him to call this weekend. I had a speech all ready and everything. But he didn't call...he's moved on...and even though it's for the best...it still hurts like hell. Saddly...I really do miss the smell of him.

And then I come home to nothing in my mailbox. Nothing from Adam. First time in awhile he's fallen off schedule and it WOULD have to be today of all days.

I am dreading my birthday...I really am. I wonder who will make me cry this year.

You know...I miss grade school. Every year the teachers would make us choose names of people we would have to make cards for. Even if it was forced affection...at least it was something.

I'm so blue...I need to change my name to Bitchy Smurf.

I hate this fucking day...but I thank God for my brother and Lola...the only people that bothered to think of me.

I hope you all had a much better day.

Everyone deserves some love....even me.