Dude!!!
April 06, 2005 � 11:07 p.m.

I have come to the conclusion that I am in major need of some sex.

I mean�like MAJOR need. What makes me realize this? I am almost ashamed to admit it, but two things happened today where I had to reign myself in and be like �What the fuck?!?�

First one was after everyone left work and Adam called. We kicked it for a minute, but then he asked me to hold on and asked some dude to hold the phone for him. Dude started flirting�talking about he saw my pic and I had sexy voice�yadda, yadda, yadda�and lord help me but I flirted back!!! For like a minute and a half we went back and forth before I ended it by saying, �I love my man though, am crazy in fucking love, so I�m not really the one to help you out with that.� He said something lame like �He got that on lock like that?� to which I hesitated, but said a strong, �You know it.� And then Puppy(Adam) got back on the phone and told me he loved me and I went all gooey in the middle.

I am SO going to hell!!!

Then�going home, I was stopped by some chick in the parking lot that wanted to bum a cig. She said something about liking how my hair frames my face or some shit, and dude�I think we were flirting with each other. I have no clue how we started talking about sex�something about one of her tattoos�which lead to her piercings�which led to sex�well�small fucking world, because it turns out we used to work together at USSB, and she said she remembered me. Said she remembered I had a thing for Deep Throat and I started laughing. We used to call Ric Deep Throat�but you see how that could parlay into sex. It wasn�t until I noticed how close she was standing when she asked for my number that I was like whoa. Like I said, I�m not sure if we were flirting, but it kind of felt like it. So uh�yeah�I need to laid out right nice real soon.

Sometimes�SOMETIMES�I fucking miss Swiz so much it isn�t even funny.

This is one of those times.

Besides being horny as hell and not trying to fall apart, nothing much has been going on. My computer at home has been acting a straight fool, so it seems like I will have to wipe it clean ONCE AGAIN, so I can get it working again. I am mighty sick of this shit.

But the other day I came home to a huge Hallmark bag in the middle of my bed. The card said, �I saw this and thought you�d like it, love, J-dizzog.� I opened the box and it was a huge statue of three dolphins jumping out of water. I�m not really into dolphins, but I love the color blue, and it is a bunch of beautiful shades of blue. I fucking love it.

Sometimes, not often, my baby brother does the sweetest fucking thing it makes me cry.

This was one of those times.

And, you know what? Work was so fucking boring today. And I have only $49 to last until next Thursday and I have to do laundry and my tank is on E. You do the math. And I am back to writing in my old journal, but it makes me sad every time I look at it, because it�s the one that Jenny gave me and whenever I open it, it always falls open to the page where I say, �I love Jen so much. I am so glad we are good friends. She calls me her soul mate. I like the sound of that. Maybe she is. Maybe we�ll know each other forever. I hope so. I love her so much.� Boy�was I ever wrong on that one! I�m starting to think maybe we were crushing on each other like everyone said. We were really close�maybe a bit too much. But whatever. We don�t even know each other now so what does it matter? And you know what else? I am Puppy�s fucking love slave�I am. I am so totally, butt fucking crazy in love with this man that I don�t know what to do with myself half the damn time. And Lola is the bestest friend ever. No reason why, she just is. And I still don�t have food in my house. And my godson came over and ate all my fucking Easter candy and I wanted to kill him. And my cat only likes to sit in the tub when it�s filthy�what�s up with that? And I really want a steak right about now. And I love the song �Anna Begins�. And I molest my bunny on my desk everyday while I�m thinking about Puppy. By molest I mean I hug him and pet him and play with his hair�not like Michael or anything�no�I do NOT want to be like Mike. And my car stinks and really needs to be cleaned. And sometimes I want to cry for no reason. And sometimes I�m really hyper for no reason and talk a freaking blue streak.

And sometimes I write random, stupid entries just because I can.

This is one of those times.