denial ain't just a river in egypt
February 21, 2005 � 12:49 a.m.

thing is...i am feeling some type of way right now...

but i don't know what way that is.

my birthday for the most part was for shit. it's really selfish and stupid of me to expect shout outs or emails, but it hurt when i didn't get any anyway. people that i hoped in my secret heart of hearts didn't bother to reach out to me...and though it fucking hurt, it was a wake up call.

FUCK EACH AND EVERY ONE OF THEM.

i am through with all that shit...with the emotional bags i carry with their names on them. friday night i left them on the side of the road with a kiss and goodbye. my love is now reserved only for those that love me.

i got a package in the mail from my babygirl Angel in Texas. lovely books that only a geek like me gets creamy over. then jen came by with a cake and some gifts and a tiara and a wand, telling me i was a pretty, pretty princess and my birthday will be whatever i make it.

i love her.

and john mayer and maroon 5 are lifesavers....honestly.

i won't go into the shitty events of the day. at least nothing made me cry.

then lola and the gang came and got me and went we to a gay bar and i got entirely too drunk and danced to great music. yes...i danced. i was that far gone. but i did fall into the house and cried in the bathroom...but since it was past midnight, officially i didn't cry on my birthday.

i cried because all i wanted was someone to come home to...and no one was there.

today...i realize that it is because i am severly PMS'n. the clue in? i cried like a bitch while wathing Extreme Makeovers because the house was so beautiful.

so maybe my birthday wasn't too bad after all...

i am just feeling some type of way right now...

i just wish i knew what the feeling is.