uninvited
May 28, 2004 � 8:04 p.m.

First Entry Today

Today�s Weather: Bummed and pissy

So�.

My stupid mantra about nothing coming between Jenny and me because she needs me has been shot to shit.

Yup.

There was totally NO reason for me to take off work or even BE there because her girl was there and the whole time I just felt like some intruder. But then I got pissed off when I was sitting there and they were like �signing� to each other instead of talking.

I REALLY wanted to get the fuck out of there then.

Sitting there, feeling like a stranger�alone in a crowd�the detested third wheel�sitting there�I realized that I am so fucking alone. And it�s pathetic.

All my friends are in couples and they have someone else besides me and I�m like just on the fringes of everyone�s life now. I am used to it, really�but not with Jenny. I think of her and her girl and I feel jealous and mad and most of all, for some reason�I feel hurt. Betrayed. Left behind.

I feel like I�ve been dumped.

Jenny says nothing will change and nothing has changed�but it has. WE haven�t hung out or gone anywhere ALONE since they got together. It�s always the three of us, and I�m sorry�who the fuck wants to be the third wheel all the damn time because SOMEONE can�t just stay the fuck home for once?

I have a feeling that the adventures of T-Bird and Sugs are over.

Or at least they�re on hold�for awhile.

___________________________

I just got paid and I�m fucking broke. How much does THAT blow dick?

___________________________

Thanks to Leenie, I seen to have become public enemy #1 amidst our barhop crew.

Why?

Well, Leenie gave me her card last time we were out around 2am and told me to order a couple of drinks, but not to let anyone else with us know that I have it because she didn�t want to buy them drinks. So I said cool, ordered 3 drinks to get to the minimum and called it a day. Well�in front of everyone, the bartender tries to give Leenie the card back and I try to intercept it to hold on the other side so she could sign it out of sight, but the bartender just looked confused and told me it was hers and gave it to her. Then she commences to make a big stink about it and says she never gave anyone her card, she doesn�t know how they (the bartenders) got it, someone must have went into her purse and took it�blah, blah, blah.

Now see�this was why I told her to go in her purse and get the card herself and hand it to the bartender so he would know. She took it out, but then gave it to me. They�re so used to us doing this, it didn�t make a difference to them, but the fact that I was trying to hide it from the others and then take the bill from them before they gave it to her, it made me look bad to the bartenders. Her making a fuss about shit afterwards made me look bad to the crew because they saw me try to get to the card first, so they thought I was trying to hide it from Leenie.

Suki called Jenny to remind her about the BBQ on Sunday, and said that I shouldn�t be there because �some shit went down Saturday�. Meaning Leenie never called to bother to explain what REALLY happened. Meaning I�m a fucking low life thief.

So I have been unofficially officially uninvited to their big BBQ for Leenie.

How fucking fun is that?!?!

___________________________

I got to go. I�m pissed and hurt and confused and once again�I�m the fucking bad guy and this time�I really didn�t do shit wrong.

Say hello to the bad guy�again.

Fuck!