thankful
November 28, 2003 � 8:36 p.m.
First Entry Today
Well, �tis Black Friday, my lovelies.
It is officially the beginning of the Christmas season, and already as I shop for the few gifts I have to buy, I secretly put friends and family on my private scale that weighs my affection for them.
I love Swiz, but is it a $60 amount of love? I�m thinking no. I�m thinking a card. I�m thinking my heart and soul is gift enough.
And so on and so forth, I will go down the short list and rate how much I love people in dollar amounts because I am really struggling right now, but I�d feel guilty as hell if I didn�t get them something to show them I care about them�no matter how cheap the gift. Hey it�s the fucking thought that counts anyway, right? At least that�s the bullshit I�d hear from folks when they would hand me a sloppily wrapped dollar store gift that they didn�t even bother to take the �4 for a $1� sticker off of.
Yeah. Thinking of me. Showing me how much they care. Demanding that I better care at least 20 times more for them when I give them THEIR gift.
Yeah�so this is Christmas.
Bah mutha� fuckin� humbug!!
I hope all had a wonderful holiday, or great Thursday�whatever it might have been for you. I saw others makes lists of what they were thankful for and I was going to do but then I thought it a bit hokey but then I didn�t want to be left out but then I didn�t want to be a fucking follower but then I didn�t want to be seen as the unthankful, bitter, stupid bitch I am sometimes seen as but then I didn�t give a fuck about what folks thought but then I wanted to say my thanks somewhere since I always seem to choke up whenever I try to tell folks what they mean to me, so I decided to make a generic list not necessarily in order of importance and with no details. If you read me a lot, then you will easily fill in the blanks.
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What I am thankful for�.**ahem**
Food
Vodka
Poetry
Sex
Family
Friends
Stars
Sanity
Insanity
Emails
Phones
Music
Fingers to write
A mouth to speak with
A mind to dazzle with
Eyes to appreciate with
Ears to listen
A heart capable of being broken
A soul with the ability to be mended
Love
Beauty
Non-conformation
**End of list**
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So after waiting FOREVER for my damn Sepia review, it gets done on Wednesday, I get left a note I had to link it (which I was NOT told in the damn beginning) and by the time I get to a computer to sit down and actually read the fucker, they had already deleted it.
DELETED IT.
I don�t think it was a bad review�I can�t remember. They liked the writing a lot, said they would come back�but I know they HATED my site, though. The pictures and all�but since I don�t remember what they said or what the problem was, I can�t comment. The damn thing has been deleted. All this time waiting and it�s fucking graded and gone.
I�ll be damned.
That was THE most anti climatic event I ever experienced!!!
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I talked to Swiz the other day.
He still says the �Hey� and I still melt.
We can still laugh and joke and talk about every and any thing.
I still hear his smile when he hears my voice.
I still love him.
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Well, I�m off. Darryl got a job last week working stock at Wal Mart (can you say discount?!?) and I have to race home now every night so he can take my car and get to work on time. The things we do for family.
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AND�tonight I am going to see SATAN and his band play at the Pontiac!!!!!
Long live SUPER NATURAL BIRTH MACHINE!!!!
I
LOVE
SATAN
FOREVER
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!