swiz swoon #13
December 04, 2003 � 8:41 p.m.

Second Entry Today

I have memories of us that haunt me.

I see visions of us sleeping, making love, holding each other close, and whispering vows of love to each other in the darkness.

I see us playing with your daughter at the playground. I see all of us piled on my couch with her between us while we play video games and taunt each other. I see myself watching the two of you making music together�her with her claves and you on your conga, while I make up stupid verses to say to the beat. I see dinners and breakfasts, lunches and snacks, picnics, restaurants, barbecues, and parties.

I see us holding hands while walking down the street.

I see you smiling at me, kissing me, touching me, and making me laugh.

I see safety.

I see happiness.

I see hope and possibilities.

I see love.

Love, love, love, love�.huge and encompassing and forever changing, surprising, and expanding.

I see us�together�in my memories.

But none of these things happened at all.

They are just delusions�dreams and wishes for things I want to come to pass.

I am haunted by future memories of you

while you barely even acknowledge me �.

and yet�still I dream�still I hope�

still I love.

I miss you.

reIad bLetOwVeeEn the lYinOeUs