"sex" less evermore
February 23, 2004 � 2:44 a.m.

First Entry Today

Today�s Weather: Restless with a Sullen mix of Sadness and Anticipation

So�Sex In The City is done and over with. No more Carrie, no more Big�no more diner conversations or banter over Cosmos�it�s gone�it�s all gone. And as much as it saddens me to say goodbye, they couldn�t have possibly had a better swan song.

Carrie and Big finally come together on the same level�and Big�s name is revealed�

John.

I would have thought Jack or Mike�but John is cool.

I laughed, I cried�I felt the loss�

and I felt the hope�

If Carrie can get a happily ever after�then maybe�so can I.

Okay, okay�so I know it�s just a fucking show, but still.

You get the damn point.

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After SITC went off, I was crying (shut up) and started to think of Jenny�how she�s my Charlotte�and I was missing her like crazy when a box popped up on my screen.

It was Jenny, telling me she hopped online in hopes I would be there because she couldn�t stop thinking of me, and that was it. We buried the hatchet. All is forgiven. All is love.

jellybean: I love you too Thea.......I was so upset. I knew I had let you down. That was the last thing I wanted for you on your b-day.

starrchild2k: i know

jellybean: Thank you

jellybean: thank you for forgiving me.

starrchild2k: thank you for caring enough to want to be forgiven

jellybean: T-bird - you are like my soul mate (not in a sexual way) you mean the world to me.

That is why I love her. That is why she always be in my life.

That is why she is my best friend.

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I can�t stop thinking about Swiz and the next time I see him. I have decided to tell him I love him, because I know that will make him back off and I need him to leave me because I am just too weak to leave him.

I have to tell him because it�s eating me alive and I need him to know that my love is here�unconditional�and I know he can�t love me�but I just want him to know that.

Jenny posed a good question though�what if that doesn�t chase him away. Jebus�what if it pulls him closer?

What if�if he is willing to give me all that I want and need from him?

Then what?

What will I do if he does love me back?

Can he be my Mr. Big after all?