lazy days and sundays always get me down
June 28, 2004 � 2:18 a.m.

First Entry Today

Today's Weather: Lazy with cathardic skies

Today was one of those Sundays when I just lazed around doing nothing all day but cook dinner and watch TV and take a nap.

Yes...a nap.

I talked to Lola for awhile yesterday, and she cried for almost the whole hour and a half we were on the phone. She told me how she picked out the coffin and the flowers and the graveyard...and how all her mom and sister could do was argue about his money and the whereabouts of his other insurance policies. Yeah...they are just worried about money while this poor girl is falling apart at the seams. My heart weeps for her. I told her I would be at the funeral...and I HATE funerals. I just hope I don't go there and start thinking about my mom (when that time comes) dying or my grandmother's death or the loved ones I've lost this past year and just lose it. Man, I hope I don't fucking lose it in there.

I've been chain smoking all day and I don't really know why. I have been thinking about Swiz and Leenie and Jenny (who never showed again yesterday and hasn't called me since Wednesday), about Ric (who called me 3 times yesterday and talked to me for over three hours total...which is still....weird. He promised to come and sit with me when I'm feeling sad and lonely when I stop my "sex thing". I swear he knows it's Swiz)and about moving into my new place in October (the date changed yet again because the apartment RIGHT across from me will be opening and I want that one instead so I can stay in "the good row") and all the stuff I have to buy for it...

I haven't done shit today, but I am so emotionally exhausted that it is rediculous.

I really don't have much to say, except this week is going to be hell at work and I'm not looking forward to it at all.

I don't know...I am sad by association.

Maybe that voodoo lady was right about me...I'm just an empath with emotional issues and too big a heart...

or crazy...maybe I'm just crazy...

that makes more sense to me.