jealous girl
April 03, 2004 � 12:46 a.m.

First Entry Today

Today�s Weather: Bleh�or blah�just yucky skies all around

It�s raining again.

It�s been raining for the past two days.

As I have said before�due to certain circumstances�I sometimes I hate the rain.

This is one of those times.

I have been so busy the last few days, I�ve barely sat in the same place long enough to gather my thoughts. I went to wash my clothes at Jenny�s the other day, which of course means that I was her indentured servant for the night. I went over, straightened up a bit and cooked her dinner when she came home. It�s funny�I like doing those things for her. I like being�well�her bitch, I guess�and do things for her. No sooner she came in the door, she got a phone call�which seemed to drag on forever. Then we sat to talk and she got another call�which also seemed to drag on. I sat there reading my book with her across from me chatting away, and I felt so apart from her and so jealous.

See�Jenny met a girl.

So the girl called and then her friend called and the whole time I am sitting there, levitating between being curious and annoyed, wondering why folks always seem to stay on the phone when I�M there but when I call and they have company they have to call me back. Anyway, finally we sat down to dinner and that�s when she told me the story, and though I am happy for her, I fell depressed at the same time.

So this is how it starts, huh? Jenny gets a girl, then she falls in love�and then�Thea slowly fades out of the picture. Fuck, I know that�s selfish, but that�s how I feel�like soon�there will be no more adventures�that this girl is going to take up all the space in Jenny�s world, and again�I will be on my own. Melodramatic�I know�but it�s hard to compete with a girl for another girl. When it�s a guy it�s something different. What will she need me for if she already has a gal pal in her life?

*sigh*

One of these days, I WILL grow the fuck up�but not today.

Still no word from Swiz. Not that it surprises me, but it still hurts. And I think he was the one calling me from the blocked number. I haven�t had a call since I called him and left that message Saturday, and until I thought about it, the calls didn�t start until after we had our fight. I always thought it might be him, but I shrugged it off to wishful thinking. Now, though, it seems like too much of a coincidence that the calls stop after I call and leave that stupid message. If it was Stalker, I�d still be getting the calls. It�s weird to think that he was the one calling me. I wonder why he was calling. I wonder what he wanted to say. I�ll probably never know. Fuck!!

My brother, the genius that he is, was on my computer yesterday supposedly looking for music but magically found porn instead. Along with the porn, a whole bunch of programs just downloaded themselves into the computer every time he tried to close one of the boxes. I got most of them off, but there�s some that are hidden and some that I just can�t delete, so now my crappy computer is even crappier and slower and I could just kill the little asshole! I mean, did he REALLY need to surf for porn? He doesn�t even know how to use a computer well but he sure as hell was trying to find the porn sites. If he would have asked me, I would have warned him about all the spy ware and led him to some free sites where that shit doesn�t happen. Boxes pop up even when I�m not on the net, and it�s taking me forever just to write this damn entry. Dammit!! He can be so stupid sometimes. Just like his sister.

Well, I have to go and finish cooking this food so I can finish folding my clothes and go the hell to bed.

Such an exciting Friday, huh?

Don�t be jealous.