"it"
March 04, 2004 � 2:36 a.m.

First Entry Today

Today�s Weather: A sudden shit storm with no end in sight

There are some days, I have heard folks say, that it would have been better to stay the hell in bed.

This is one of those days.

I woke up on time this morning, and as I was about to stand up and go to the bathroom, my phone rings. Without thinking I pick it up. It was Relly.

It was Relly to call me and be the drama queen only he can be, moaning how he was sick and wanted me to bring him ginger ale. Then he started with the shit about how he was having nightmares about our friend that died. Then he started in on how I never visit him and how I neglect him and all this other bullshit about how my god daughter cries for me and I don�t care. He calls me in the fucking morning when I�m getting ready for work, which I told him several times, to bitch about not seeing me. How I don�t come to see him. Funny, when his ass had a car and a job, he never called me, never came to see me, never invited me out�I didn�t exist when he was doing good, and now that he�s broke and lonely and needs shit, he wants to call me and throw a guilt fucking trip on me�like everything is my fault.

Same old Relly. Same old drama. Same old bullshit.

I should be used to it by now. It shouldn�t even bother me any damn more. But it did today. It bothered the fuck out of me that he had the damn nerve to call me and talk shit and try to make me feel guilty, and when he started with the �I�m dying! You�ll feel sorry if something happens to me!� bullshit, I flipped out. I started screaming at him how it wasn�t my fault I don�t have a car at night, how I work 6 damn days a week, how I�m always broke, how he only calls when he wants something and never when he has a car or money or a place to go. For 45 minutes he kept me on the damn phone with his bullshit, and then he had the nerve to try to guilt trip me for telling him how fucked up he was. I hung up, telling him I�d call while I�m driving to work.

So now, I�m running late. Surprise, surprise.

Then I stupidly go to drop off the rent while the car was warming up, thinking I could just pop in and out, but no. The office lady chose today to talk to me about the 2 bedroom that will be opening in July and how she would hold it for me and Darryl. Then she told me all about the virtues of living on the second floor, and to make sure my brother won�t skip out on me with the rent, and how she sees his girlfriend here everyday, and how the lady downstairs bitches about everything from snoring to how we watch TV all day and night, and how I was a good tenant and she was on my side, and how there is a store on 70 that sells dragons and artifacts for the home. The whole time I stood there, staring at her with my hand on the door knob, and she prattled on and on and finally, a half hour later, she lets me go.

So now, I am officially late. Still at home when I should be walking through the door at work.

Every asshole and his 90 year old mother was on the road on the way in. Stop and go. Stop and go. I got cut off my dickheads several times, who cut in front of me and then decide to drive below the fucking speed limit. One bitch almost ran me off the road because she was trying to eat an sandwich, talk on her cell, and drive at the same time. I screamed at her so loud the person in front of her looked back at me like I was crazy. I called Relly and he didn�t answer his phone and he had some stupid ass message on there. I hung, said fuck him, and drove on in to work. I don�t care anymore. I really don�t give a fuck. If he attempts another one of his �suicides� again, I�m not even bothering to go to the hospital. I am so sick of his bullshit.

I walk in and Monkey glares at me again. He�s been glaring at me for about a week now, being all short with me when I ask questions and yesterday he did the �tap the watch� thing to show I was late. I just rolled my eyes and went to work.

I came home and the place is a fucking mess. He actually took chicken out for dinner, but it bled all over the place and he didn�t even bother to clean it up. He cooked something and didn�t even bother to clean before he did it. He just cooked in the mess�and made a bigger mess�and left it for me to clean before I could cook.

I am just now making me something to eat. Yeah, that�s how dirty.

Jenny IM�d me the other day, but we seemed awkward and forced. I really don�t know what the problem is. We still haven�t spoken on the phone. She came online and neither one of us said anything to each other, and she just logged off like it was nothing. I decided to write her an email, saying everything and nothing, to see what will be her response to that. I don�t know. I have been in just such a damn funk lately. Maybe it�s me. Maybe nothing is wrong and I�m blowing it out of proportion.

Maybe it�s just time to let it go.

Whatever �it� may be.