just fine, indeed
June 30, 2004 � 1:41 a.m.

First Entry Today

Today�s Weather: Black and endless

It seems the boss brothers were very, very naughty boys.

Corporate came and gave the speech. We are moving to another office in Cherry Hill near the mall. We now will have a dress code and we can no longer eat at our desks. We do not know who the new boss will be.

We also HAVE to be off our current premises within two weeks. They actually want to move by Friday but we can�t find any movers. We have a guard that has to sit outside the building for 24 hours a day until we move. Oh, and if we talk to the boss brothers at all�we will be terminated. Yes�terminated. We are not allowed any contact with them and if we see them on the premises, we are to alert the guard immidiately.

Seems that the �merger� wasn�t really a merger and whatever the brothers tried to pull off over the past few weeks blew up in their faces and now�they are completely out of their family business. What the sins were, we do not know. All I know is that big boss man was shredding papers all day Saturday while I was there, they went to a meeting in Indiana on Monday, and now, they are not allowed anywhere near us or the business�so much so that they are moving us to a building that needs ID cards to get on and off the premises.

Fun, huh?

Say it with me children�..SHADEY.

Poor Lola called me today and was trying to see what was going on. She was already looking fro a new job on the net. She doesn�t have the clothes for the new dress code. Well, she ain�t alone there. I barely have three really appropriate outfits myself. I see a lot of repeats in my future. That is�if all this isn�t a fucking smokescreen to us all getting canned.

If we do move, I will stay long enough to save up some money and build a wardrobe of at least 10 outfits (interchangeable of course) and get the fuck out of there. There is way more going on than we are being told, and I think that corporate is afraid that the boss brothers will do something very BAD to our office and they are eager as shit to get the fuck out of there.

Can I have ONE day without drama, PLEASE?

I am so edgy and so freaking exhausted from trying to do my work and keep up on Lola�s work load while she is out. My dad�s birthday is this weekend, and I don�t even have the money to get him anything as my rent was raised and I had some unexpected bills pop up this last pay. My car is making funny noises�sorta sounding like a belt is loose or something, and since I haven�t spoken to Jenny, I can�t take it to Pep Boys to get worked on for a discount. Ric called me this morning and asked me if I had stopped the �sex thing� yet, and balled me out when I told him I haven�t had the chance. He thinks I�m just being a coward�I�m just being pulled in 40 fucking different directions. Monkey also informed me that I can�t take off the whole day Thursday for the funeral, so that means I won�t be able to wash my clothes. On top of that, I will HAVE to go into work on Saturday instead of having a three day weekend like I planned. I came home and there was food all over the fucking place and brother dear is nowhere to be found. Lola calls me up and is so sad and she is hurting so much over her father�s death and her car and worrying for money and now with the work thing�.and I don�t know what to say or do to help her and it is killing me. I barely have any money to my name and I was supposed to go food shopping but I can�t afford to do it. We don�t even have any more dish liquid. Now that I think about it, I have no fucking idea how I am going to swing washing my clothes with no money for machines. I used to just go to Jenny�s and wash them, but now�well�that�s fucking kaput. And she still hasn�t called me. Not even to see if I�m still alive or to ask what I�m doing for the 4th of July�nothing.

My head hurts so damn bad that I am crying�not like sobbing�just tears constantly running down my face. Not even from sadness, just from this dull and aching pain pounding on the side of my head.

I need to get away�I need to get far away from here and these people before I fucking lose it. I am so afraid that I will wake up one day to go to work, get there and the damn doors are bolted and our shit is out on the street. Or worse, it will just be burned to the ground. Trust me, with everything that is going on, that isn�t so far fetched. I wouldn�t put nothing pass them.

Thank you all for the kind words and well wishes. I am trying to hold on�I�m barely making it�but I haven�t totally let go of sanity yet.

I need this week to end. If I can make it through this week, I�ll be fine.

I think I�ll be fine.

I hope I�ll be fine.

Just fine, indeed.