happy, happy birthday baby
April 20, 2004 � 11:25 p.m.

First Entry Today

Today's Weather: Stupidity running amuk

So, today is his birthday, and in spite of all advice, I had to call and wish him a happy birthday...because he at least did that much for me on mine...

and hearing his voice...hearing the surprise and genuine gratitude in his voice...pushed me over the brink and I burst into tears at my desk after I hung up...

and now I am here, drinking again alone...replaying his voice in my head and trying my damndest to drown it out...

stupid Thea...love isn't for kids!!

And Jenny hasn't called me back all day, and I'm am starting to believe that he is right...I DO run my mouth too fucking much...and I confessed something I shouldn't have...and maybe...it will push her away.

Oh Jenny, please...forgive the trespasses my thoughts incur upon you...even if you don't know the extent of them...have the heart to just forgive and forget!

Happy birthday, baby...

this drink is for you...

as will be the next...

and the next...

and

the next...

I love you so much it hurts...

and I am truly sorry for it.