have a little faith in me
April 26, 2004 � 2:13 a.m.
Second Entry Today
Today�s Weather: Disgustingly domestic
Sometimes I really disgust myself.
Today, I woke up invigorated. I got up, cleaned, made massive amounts of ice tea, and made a delish meal of honey barbequed chicken, roasted potatoes, and corn.
I�ve been humming and breaking out into giggles and rubbing my skin periodically.
I keep thinking of him inside of me and sprawled out next to me sleeping peacefully holding on to my hand, and I can�t help but smile.
See what a little dick does to me?
Not little in size�I mean�as in getting some.
I would be one totally domesticated, dominated, happy bitch if I were with him. I would be his slave�and I would revel in it.
He didn�t tell me what he had to say�.but he blushed when I brought it up and said he couldn�t just tell me while he was on the spot. He blushed�how cute. And when I asked him if he was leaving, he said no and asked if I was kicking him out. I said no, of course not. He laid there naked for awhile, letting me rub his thigh while I smoked and smiled down at him. Then he asked me to lay with him, and I did. And we slept the rest of the night. Huddled together. Sated and safe.
It was THE most fantastic thing ever.
Oh Swiz�if only you would let me, we would be so happy together�I would do anything to make you happy, love. *sigh*
But I wasn�t a fool. I know what you�re thinking. No�I wasn�t his fool. I didn�t say or do anything to leave myself open to him. It was just sex. And he had no other power than that. It was when he was gone I got all gushy and girly.
Like I said�I can love him all I want without him fucking it up. I�m not leaving that door open anymore more. If he wants in, this time he�ll have to knock. He�ll have to ask admittance.
And if I�m still there, I just might let him back him.
I�m just his bitch right now�and I can deal with that�because he has no idea that I am�so there�s nothing he can do about it.
I.LOVE.HIM.
But I am not his fool anymore.
I�ll never be HIS fool again.