with a cherry on top
May 14, 2004 � 7:54 p.m.
First Entry Today
Today�s Weather: Up with some occasional downs
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You know, for the past like 4 or 5 months, my period has been acting really wacky. Like coming on for a day and then leaving just to come back 2 weeks later�really heavy some days then barely there others�sporadic with it�s appearance dates�shit�my period has become a fucking diva!
Worse than that are my�I guess you�d call them PMS�symptoms. They�re along the lines of pregnancy. I get nauseus in the morning, I sleep all the damn time, I have major mood swings, my tits are sore, I have cravings, I lose my appetite, become a clean freak, and I can�t stand the smell or taste of my ciggies.
Yeah�odd, huh? Most folks just cry or get bitchy and want chocolate. Not me�I get freaked out every month because it creeps up on me (since IT comes whenever IT wants to) and I think I�m pregnant. I probably won�t even have symptoms if I ever do get knocked up�my mom didn�t. She said her period just stop coming and that�s how she knew. It�s like my period is taunting me�making me believe I�m pregnant and then just showing up out of nowhere.
This really has no point, except I am on right now, and that irritates me for two extremely different reasons that it disturbs me. I am irritated because I came on and I�m NOT pregnant and I�m irritated because it took so long to finally come on.
I know�I�m fucked up. What else is new?
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For reasons that have absolutely NOTHING to do with me, I really want to kick the shit out of Cowboy right now. He is totally screwing Jenny over with the bills. They made a deal that he would pay the phone and cable bill because she doesn�t need them and she was going to get them turned off but he wanted them on. He is two months behind and she now has $400 worth of outstanding bills in HER name because this asshole has not paid her nor attempted to pay her the correct amounts to catch the bills up. He has his bitch over there, smokes up her damn house, doesn�t clean or do anything, and now he�s not even paying his fucking bills? He can�t pay his own fucking bills??!?
AND HE�S FUCKING GETTING MARRIED IN JULY??!!?
What. The. Fuck. Is. Wrong. With. Him?
On top of all that, he hasn�t been giving her the rent money on the correct days, either. He gives it to her 2�3 days after he gets paid�like it�s nothing. He knows she needs that fucking money and he�s treating her�HIS FUCKING FRIEND THAT TOOK HIM IN WHEN HE HAD NO PLACE TO GO�like this?!!? He�s doing her dirty like this and has the nerve to call himself a man? What the fuck? When Jenny told me earlier that she doesn�t even have the money to go to the movies�.THE MOVIES�because he hasn�t paid her and she finally told me how the bills were all behind because of him, I nearly flipped the fuck out. I wanted to call the house and tell him the fuck off, or better yet, roll up to his fucking job and let EVERYBODY know what kind of fucking bum he is, but I reigned myself in and just let it go. Anything I say or do could make it worse for Jenny. He might just up and bounce and then REALLY leave her in a lurch with the bills all backed up AND without a roommate. I should have let her kick him out and taken her up on the offer of moving in when I had the chance. She would be so much better off�and he would be out of BOTH of our lives. I can�t believe he really is that much of a fucking bitch that he would do something like this to someone who has done so much for him like she has. I tell you one thing, she is a lot fucking better than me, because his ass would have been gone after he started eating all the food and stealing her damn cigs.
He is a fucking punk bitch ass nigga�.for real.
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Sylvie needs an alternator, so Darryl�s girlfriend�s father (geesh, that was obnoxious!) will put it in for us on Sunday. In a way I�m happy because that might mean that that�s why she rides so sluggish and jerky�but if she still rides fucked up, then I don�t know what it could be. I hope this will work and she�ll be better and then I won�t have to worry about it for a while. Then all I will have to do is an oil change, trannie flush, coolant flush, new tires, and a tune up. I love that damn car. It�s like my best friend.
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I just talked to Leenie. She has to go in for her procedure on June 1 (which is also Gig�s birthday). So I know now I will need to have that day off of work so I can be there with her. I�m trying not to worry or be scared because she will see that and she needs me to be strong for her so she won�t worry about me (imagine that�she�s going under the knife and she�ll be worrying about how I�M doing). This week I get to help her pick put a dress for this big hoity toity benefit she�s been invited to by a customer of hers.
And now I keep seeing Holly Golightly and Eliza Doolittle images in my brain as to how my girl should look. This should be interesting.
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My brother scared the shit out of me the other morning. I was running late to work and when I came out into the living room, he was sitting up staring at me. �On your way to work?� he asks. I say yeah and start to walk away, when he sighs and just looks at me that boyish face I love so damn much and says, �Thea, you know I love you, right?� and I stop an stare back him puzzled. I nod slowly and say yes, and I loved him, too. He nods his head and I ask him what was wrong, and he said nothing. I say a slow okay and then run down the steps and out the door, smiling and shaking my head as I thought of him�my little brother�my heart�and have been floating since then.
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Work is still okay. A lot of weird things going on around me, but luckily, I�ve extracted myself from the situations. Jack brought me in some Reese�s Cups today, and I wanted to kiss him when he said, �Because I know you love these�and I know you�re little friend is in town so if you have these you�ll be less inclined to kill me.�
Ah Jack�will we never be the same? I miss us a lot sometimes. Yeah�I do.
And the other day, Big Boss Man paid me a compliment that made me feel good. He said, �You know Thea, I�ve never known someone to have so many different looks as you do. You�re always changing. It�s amazing!� I joked and said it�s probably just the wigs, and he smiled and looked at my hair and mused, �Yeah�those, too!!�
Ha�sometimes, clueless white men can be so damn cute!!
Monday is Monkey�s birthday�I wonder what will happen�heh.
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Ah�.and today is my baby girl�s birthday.
Happy Birthday Asia!!!
Godmommy loves you!!!
(even though she�s too broke to prove that to you right now!)
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Well folks, I have to motor. Jenny�s coming over for some Checkers burgers, a movie, and a Friendly�s sundae. Mmmmmmmmm�.sundaes!!