chasers
February 24, 2004 � 2:04 a.m.

First Entry Today

Today�s Weather: Eerily chipper and talkative

So here I sit, chatting online with Angel and Jane Lane, discussing such diverse things like drug abusive exes and long distance movie nights, when it dawns on me�I am sitting in my apartment at 1:30 in the morning, sipping on rum and coke, smoking a ciggy, listening to Funny Girl sing about how people who have people are the luckiest people�and I feel I am one of those lucky people�and I have never felt so corny in all my life.

Corny in a good way, though. Corny in a way that I am glad I have such friends and am glad with the way they have enriched my life.

My lip is still all busted and bruised�and hurting. I wish I had enough control to keep from touching the damn thing. I�m like a teen age boy locked in the bathroom and discovering the beauty of puberty. I wonder if my hand will turn hairy and I will go blind.

Damn�now that would suck.

I was liked at work today. I was talkative and outgoing Thea, not moody and quiet Thea, so it made me quite jokey and popular with the peers. I wonder why people are so damn offended when I�m quiet? It�s not like my opinions and conversations matter�so what�s the point? And it seems like whenever I say something, I get my ass in trouble, so I figure it�s better to just keep my mouth shut. I don�t know. I�m the most popular unpopular girl I know.

What the fuck is that?

I�m still thinking about Swiz. Last night I was in bed and I turned over, hugged my pillow and whispered his name into the darkness. That�s just pathetic.

That�s just me. You can�t help who you love.

And I love him like crazy.

Jenny�s words keep playing in my mind��But what if he loves you, too?�

What if he loves me, too?

Would I be able to handle that?

Do I even really want to be with him�or is it all just the chase?