in cars with boys
September 01, 2004 � 12:14 a.m.

So...still no car.

I'll tell you one thing, you want to feel worthless and stupid? Have your car break down so you have to inconvenience those around you for rides, then go to car dealerships and have them treat you like a fucking moron as they spit all this fast talk and jargon at you while milking you for all you got because the desperation stinks on your skin like a bad perfume, then break down and sob periodically because every time you look at your finances you see just how fucking broke and stupid you are because you work at a job that makes it virtually impossible to do anything BUT pay your bills but you're too damn scared to leave and try to make it at a REAL one, then have your baby brother reign you in as you get hysterical at work because the cops called and said they are about to tow your peice of shit, broken down car that has the nerve to be parked on a side road for almost a week. These are the key ingredients needed in order to make oneself feel completely worthless and totally stupid.

Not like I was able to super shop around for cars, but the few places I went to were greasy as hell. In fact, the second place stripped me of a hundred dollars for a credit check and deposit on a car. I know...I know...they saw my stupid ass from a mile away. No one ever called to follow up. I went there Thursday, and it wasn't until yesterday that they called me back...after some sheisty "bank" called me and told me they could finance me, but I BETTER make the payments on time each month.

That was just a bit too "Sopranos" for me.

Then, I go see Ric at Ford, and he's kinda cool. I see a Highlander I fall in love with. Can't afford it. I see an Explorer I kinda like...then really start to like. Can't afford it. Then I see a Taurus I don't like at all, test drive it, kinda start to like it, then like it. Can't afford it. So then I am standing next to a 2005 Focus. The disdain on my face was so prevalent Ric and Mandy fell out laughing when I said "no." Then I looked at it while he spat his game at me, and I really, REALLY started to like the odd color and the 6 cd changer and the fact that it was brand fucking new and the lease idea was cool because I could trade the little fucker in at the end of three years with no problem. By the time I was back in his office, I was IN LOVE with the trendy little, environmentally cautious, speed demon. I was bouncing in my seat while we waited. Me...a car leaser. How fucking grown up is that?

Bad news.

CAN'T FUCKING AFFORD IT.

He asked if I could get a co-signer and I laughed so hard I started crying (really, I was crying so hard I had to laugh) and I told him everyone I know has fucked credit, except for my brother who has none, and my tight-assed uncle who doesn't even let me wash my clothes at his house unless I bring my own detergent. Ric gave me a sad look and said, "So I guess that's a no?" And then I feel real small, because I see the pity on his face and he has NEVER looked at me with that kind of look in his eyes. I know he was hustling me, but he was trying not to REALLY hustle me, and I could tell he felt a little bad for calling me in. He said he would see what he could do and call me today.

Good news.

I get approved for the lease! Call the insurance company to check the insurance on leasing a 2005 Focus...fucking 287$!!!! TWO HUN-DRED AND EIGHTEE SEH-VIN DOLLERS!! Say it like I wrote it, now....TWO HUN-DRED AND EIGHTEE SEH-VIN DOLLERS a fucking month. That's WITHOUT the Galant still on there. I fucking lost it. Then the cops call to tell me I'm getting towed unless I move my broken baby off the road. Now, I'm hysterical. Now I'm so close to screaming and busting my face through the window I have to grip my chair to keep from standing. I call Ric back and tell him my insurance rate and even he was stunned...then he was like well, that was under a lease...and that's always a higher insurance rate. But before I even tell him that, he tells me the lease went up a point (yeah...I know what the fuck that means) and now it costs more to lease than to buy. Then he asks if I still want the car and I tell him no...I can't afford it each month. And you know what he does? He says I sound really stressed and I said I was and he said we should just scratch the whole Focus deal and he would take me to look at cars. I asked him is he was playing and he said no. He said "Of course I would take you to other places, TeeTee. You need a car and I'm not going to let you go anywhere on your own so you can get fucked over." Ok, so then I bitched up, because I never would have imagined him being the one to step up and offer to take me around when his deal with me fell through.

So yeah...he just might have to get some ass for that one.

Maybe.

More than likely.

No.

Possibly.

Yeah...he just might.

Then he calls me back and tells me his boss said I could come and get the car tonight, check to see what my insurance will be to BUY the car, and if the insurance is too "outrageous", I can bring it back. That way I won't lose out if I end up having to come back for the Focus, because as of tomorrow, all the rates change and Ric couldn't just hold the car for me at the price we settled on, so he said this should help.

So I leave here in 6 minutes...and I have to choose if I want to buy the Focus or look elsewhere and possible fuck up my credit rating more and still get turned down.

By tonight, you will know if it was the lady or the tiger.

{edit}

Between the lady and the tiger, an unexpected door popped up...

and I chose the tigress...

Lola.

She sat there with me in the dealership and we giggled like fools while they sat there like assholes asking the same damn question over and over.

And in the end...it looks like Ric was trying to find another way to fuck me...and this...I hate to say it...hurts like hell.

I mean...maybe I'm wrong, but from what it seems, he wasn't giving me any deals or options and was charging the optimum on the car.

I walked out, hurt but laughing, and after Lola said fuck that and called Danny Boy, he agreed to help me find a REAL deal tomorrow, I really felt like shit. I really started to hate Ric, but at the same time, I was baffled by his suggestion to just scratch the Focus and take me car shopping. What the hell was that? Just an act? And if so...why? I know we joke around, but I thought we were better than that. Why would HE kick me when I'm already down and bleeding?

Then I just looked at the paper he gave me with the vin number and it seemed to have other car info on it...and it doesn't look like he was screwing me over after all...not giving me a break, but not TOTALLY fucking me either.

But I'm still mad. I'm still hurt.

And he sure as hell is back off of the "ass list" and back on the shit list.

He just might be taken off of the friend list as well...

and like I said...for some reason...

that hurts like hell to even think about.

Fucking bastard.