and a happy fucking birthday to me
February 18, 2004 � 12:57 a.m.

It is officially February 18, so you know what that means, right?

IT�S MY BIRTHDAY!!!

Big fucking whoop.

Know how I�m celebrating? Getting pissy ass drunk while listening to Dave Matthews and Sarah McLaughlin as I stare at the walls and let the tears fall down my face.

Fun huh?

Ric was just here. I hadn�t seen him in awhile and I had thought I was going to get some dick, but instead we just laid across my bed and watched a man apart with me drinking vodka and cran mixes and him smoking da ganja from his pipe. I was going to make a move, but I kept thinking about Swiz and how I wished he was here instead, so I just ended up sitting as far from him as possible. Well, that and my busted ass lip kept my passions at bay.

Oh, did I mention that I woke up this morning with a fat lip?

Yup. A fat lip.

The right side of my bottom lip is puffed out like Bubba Gump and I have been feeling like an ass all day because I keep trying to suck it in. Mostly I just sat at my desk with the lip dropping like an idiot, unable to close my mouth and breathe because my nose is clogged.

Every year, every fucking year on my birthday for the past 9 years I have had a cold and a fat lip. I thought I had escaped it but noooooooo, not me, not this year. So I hit the liquor store on my way home and I have been chasing the dragon every since.

I left work around 5 today. I started crying for no reason at my desk so I cut out before anyone got the chance to see the tears and ask questions. It�s almost one now, so yeah, I�ve been hardcore drinking for about 7 hours now.

Man this chair hurts my ass!!

I wonder if he will call tomorrow to wish me a happy birthday? Probably not.

Jane Lane took me to dinner last night and gave me the coolest dragon!! It�s blue with three heads!! Awesome.

I wonder if Satan will call.

Why the fuck am I crying?

I don�t really feel sad�I just kept watering up.

I am lonely though.

I wish he was here. I wish he loved me.

I wish, I wish, I wish�

And Sex In The City is pissing me off!! If Carrie doesn�t end up with Big then I am putting my foot through my TV and swearing off TV forever!! Nah, maybe not�but still. I can�t have a fucked up ending for The Creek and The City!! Don�t they know they are my reason to live?

Well, that�s pathetic, ain�t it?

Damn this chair is really hurting my big ass. Damn this big ass!

Swiz likes my big ass though. Well, at least he likes to smack it a lot, so I guess that means something. Why can�t I stop thinking about him?

And why can�t I stop fucking crying?

I didn�t really talk to anyone at work today and I was bored out of my mind, but maybe that�s what I need to do.

Fuck my lip hurts!

Fucking Bubba Gump lip.

Well I have to go finish drinking now so I can finish crying and masturbate for a bit before I go to sleep since I fucked up my chance with sexy ass Ric. Man he is so damn sexy. Just want to lick him like a chocolate lolly. I am soooooo horny right now�damn him to hell.

My ass hurts.

My lip hurts.

Oh my lip and my ass!! I�m suing for 20 million!!

But I�ll settle for a 40.

Ha ha!!

I kill me!!