swiz swoon #8
November 08, 2003 � 5:55 p.m.

Second Entry Today

I was sitting here, clearing out to go home, when an image popped into my mind and the words, �Our timing has always been off, kiddo.� whispered in my ears. I saw it and heard it just as clearly as I did when you said it to me, and it hit me like a mack truck further decimating some road kill.

It was right there in the words�in your face.

I have had the answer the whole time.

You let yourself need me because you figured that I would never need you�and you were safe in that�because it was only your feelings getting sacrificed, so it didn�t really matter.

I let myself love you, because I figured you would never love me�and I was safe in that�because it was only my feelings getting sacrificed�so it didn�t really matter.

But when you said that that night, we pulled away and stared at each other�into each other�as the intensity pulsated between us, the smoky haze protected us, and the confusion hurt us�

it was then that we really saw each other�you saw that I DID need you and I saw that you DID love me and we both got frightened and angry because we had to admit that it WASN�T just our singular feelings at stake and so much more was actually being sacrificed than we initially realized and it DID matter�after all.

Well, damn you for being the fucking Tin Man,*

Damn me for being the Cowardly Lion

And damn the Wizard for tricking us into believing that we were more than we really were�because you really don�t have your heart to give and I�m too cowardly to really try to live and the moment we laid down, we should have known that going home to Kansas and back to reality where we don�t really exist was inevitable.

Here, you�re heartless.

Here, I�m a coward.

Here, there can�t be a happily ever after for us.

Our timing has always been off.

We�re not in Oz anymore.

But that doesn't stop me from loving you.

reIadbLetOwVeRentYheOlinUes

*Oz reference inspired by one of Eight-9-3's entries.