snitch this, bitch!!
October 29, 2003 � 7:42 p.m.

Third Entry Today

I was this close {} from walking out of work today.

Monkey took me in the warehouse to give me a "talking to" about my attitude towards him and told me I wans't being a "team player".

Again with the team player bullshit.

I almost started to cry, I was so fucking frustrated. Whatever I am asked to do, I do...that's what a fucking "team player" does right?

What he was REALLY talking about was our PERSONAL relationship. No, I'm not fucking Monkey or anything...before THAT rumor gets started. Personal as in friendship.

Yeah, I bitch about him and give him shit sometimes, but ain't that what friends do? I talk shit but just as easily I will say he's a nice guy, a bit misguided but nice, and a pretty easy going and good boss.

I really do genuinely like him as a person...though he can get on my last nerve quick as hell. He reminds me of my brother, Chuck. He just seems so...lost in it all sometimes...that I want to needle at him to bring him back to reality. And when he gets on my nerves, which is often, I want to punch his fucking lights out.

Yup...that's me and Chuck.

Yup..that's me and Monkey.

And today, with everything that's going on in my life, he wants to chat about my attitude, tells me he feels like I'm not happy here and trying to leave, and informs me that he knows that all I do is bitch about him and work in my diary instead of coming to him about it and he was basically hurt by it.

And I was hurt and felt betrayed that he would even confront me about what I write here.

Someone TOLD him about what I say about WORK in MY DIARY.

You know...I know that this is a public diary, which means that there is a possibility of many people seeing and criticizing my life, whether I like it or not. Yeah...I get that. I don't mind that. It SEEMS like I write this for other people, but I DO write this for me. I mean, this is the same way I write in my journal that I carry with me...like I'm talking to someone. Don't get me wrong...I love the fact that people like to read me...I love that people find me interesting...I love feeling like...I'm connected...to someone.

That someone sees me and understands.

That you for coming! I'll be here all week!! Try the veal!!

What I DON'T like, is people I work with reading my diary and then running back to my boss saying I bitch about him and work a lot.

Ok...how fucking pathetic are YOU?

"Oh Monkey...Thea sits at her desk all day doing nothing but surfing and trashing you in her diary when we are all so SWAMPED with work!!"

Then why the fuck are you reading me? How the fuck do you know what I'm doing or not doing if you are sooooooo busy and sooooooooo swamped? And what kind of fucking bitch ass are you that you read what I write here...my personal thoughts (personal, yes...private, apparently not) and use them to SNITCH on me at work?

Dude...you are so fucking sad, you know that?

What are you trying to prove? Where do you think it will get you? Why the fuck are you singling ME out? Everyone here surfs. Everyone. Everyone here bends or breaks the rules sometimes. Everyone. I am not behind on my work and I go into other people's queues to help out without having to be asked or told...I offer my help when I see we're backlogged (if I know WHERE we're backlogged)...but do you? What the fuck do YOU do besides wait for me to come in so you can crawl up in my ass?

What...are you in love with me? Stalking me? Jealous of me? I'm not pretty or rich or anything like that...so...what the fuck is the deal? Did I wrong you in some way?

Or are you just some pathetic, fucked up, brown noser that actually thinks that you're going to advance anywhere in this place if you kiss up to Monkey and get on his good side.

Man...so what color is delusion, anyway?

You want to read me, fine. You want to try to use my personal life against me, fine. This IS still a free country, ain't it?

Shit...you have me using cheesy ass clich�s now.

Anyway...what I'm trying to say is...

FUCK YOU.

I don't need to know who you are or why you're doing this, I just know that you're a two faced asshole, because though I may not chum up to everybody here, I also never snub or ridicule anyone, so you HAVE to be smiling in my face everyday and talking mad shit about me behind my back, and though I can't confront you and ask you what you're problem is in person, I'll just say what I feel here.

FUCK YOU, YOU KNEE BITING, BACK STABBING, DELUSIONAL, JEALOUS ASS, BITCH ASS, COCK SUCKING, SON OF A BASTARD'S WHORE, BITCH!!

YOU CAN KISS MY FAT, YELLA ASS, YOU FUCKWIT.

You feel special now? You had a whole entry dedicated to you!! Spread the word! Tell your friends!! You're fucking famous now, asshole!!

GEEEEEEEEEZZZZZZZZZZUUUUUUUUSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!

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To all my loves that gave me kind words and all...thank you so much for caring. It means the world...seriously...the whole world to me.

***Muah!!!!***

_______________________________________________________

I just thought of something....Monkey...is it you and you just didn't want to say that?

Hmmmmmmmmmmm....

If so...what are YOU doing reading me at work?!?! Cuz whoever it is, you read me before I come in everyday.

The stats don't lie.

Uh Huh!! Yeah!! Huh??! What??!!

Fuck it all anyway.

I don't even care.

I got a fucking bottle of Stoli at home with my name on it.

At least I don't come to work drunk and play in my chair all day.

Then again....