the outer limits
October 22, 2003 � 8:25 p.m.

First Entry Today

Before I even write this down, I have to say that I already know how crazy this sounds...how unbelievable.

What makes this even worse...is that I would never even dare to make some shit like this up.

Yeah...for me...that makes it much, much worse.

Part of me is really just hoping that I have finally gone round the fucking bend.

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Some really strange shit has been happening to and around me lately.

It started with the damn bladder problem I thought I was having. I still have no clue what that was all about, or why it just stopped as quickly as it started...it just...went away.

But now...when I have to go...I have to GO!!

Then it was the odd ass dreams...the apocolyptic dreams about the secrets of the universe, which slowly dissolved into dreams of me being a crusader for the "good" entities of the universe, which faded into dreams of me just being hunted and killed by handsome men (no premise to these dreams...just every man I have interest in or shows interest in me ends up trying to kill me), which have merely morphed into dreams of someone or something after me...I don't know who and I don't know why.

Thea...the hunted.

I haven't slept a good's night sleep since these dreams started, actually. And when I try to sleep, it's like the temperature in my room rises and it gets hot as hell in there. Even with my window up and my fan on full blast, I toss and turn, tangeling myself up in my sweaty sheets...periocially jerking myself awake to peer around my room and then just as easily, fall back into a deep sleep.

I don't hear my alarm anymore in the morning.

The alarm is set for 9AM...and that's when it goes off.

I don't hear it buzz until 9:45. I have never slept like that...NEVER!!! I don't sleep as hard as I sound like I do, and I have always, always, always, heard my alarms go off. I just push the snooze button like 7 times anyway, but doing that ususal has me rolling out of bed at 9:40...not waking up at 9:45.

I don't make it out of bed til almost 10:30, because not only do I not hear the alarm until 9:45...but I push the snooze button and then fall back into a DEEP sleep. Like I never even woke up. Like I am completely exhausted. No matter what time I go to sleep....I can't seem to wake up.

I've been seeing some strange people, too. It's like I see out of the ordinary things happen...but I'm the only one seeing these things...or these people...and they notice me. I always smile and turn away, but when I turn back...they're gone.

I fucking swear...they are GONE.

I never lock my front door, anymore. I go to my room and go to sleep at night with my door completely unlocked and I don't care. I am not afraid.

I'm the kinda girl that has always locked my front door, locks the bathroom door when I'm in there, and locks my bedroom door when I sleep.

It's like locks don't even exist to me anymore. The only thing I lock is Sylvie.

I was at Jenny's house, and her pets...that usually love me...were freaking the fuck out. Lady kept scratching at the door to go out, and when we let her out, we had to make her come back in.

She never usually stays out there long.

And Peep...my baby Peep freak...she hissed at me and snapped at me.

She fucking tried to bite my hand when I went to pet her, and she didn't come anywhere's near me the entire time I was there.

What is that?

But the topper...fuck...the topper...

Last night I was was tossing and turning...and for the first time ever...I can't even begin to remember what I was dreaming about...and I always remember my dreams...at least part of them. I turn over in my bed and there was this odd, big eyed, creature sorta lying next to me...just looking at me...nothing more. It didn't scare me, really, as I thought I was dreaming. My eyes tried to focus, but all I saw was that it was holding my pack of cigs and just sadly looking at me. I blinked hard to focus, but when I opened my eyes, it was gone.

A dream right?

Wrong.

My cigs were sitting right there...right where the things hand had been holding them. There is no way I fell asleep with them there because my sheets were all tangled and my blanket was kicked off...but they were right there...perfect...like someone just left them there. I picked them up and stared at them...put them back on my headboard...and fell hard back into sleep...back into dreams I can't remember.

I am freaked the fucked out.

What the fuck is going on here? What...what is happening? I want to be crazy...I do. I hope I've just lost my mind because if it's what I think it is...then I'm as good as dead anyway.

Could the dreams...not be dreams?

Am I really just leading another life when I think I'm asleep? Are the entities real? Am I really the crusader?

Fuck...is this all for real!?!?

Fuck me...fuck me...pray for me....

pray and hope that I'm just losing my damn mind and going through a bunch of weird coincidences...

Pray...pray for me...

please...