i love satan!!
October 20, 2003 � 7:28 p.m.

First Entry Today

I have come to understand the mentality of groupies...the driving forces behind their compulsion to be around, idolize, and fuck guys in bands.

I totally want to be a metal band, fuck slut groupie...at least be Super Natural Birth Machine's caramel colored, shot swilling, cigarette huffing, tittie popping, body guard bitch that knocks off the lead singer at his every whim...can I be that?

I guess by my admitting that, you have come to the conclusion that I had fun at Satan's band's first gig...and you would be correct in that assumption.

Jenny and I got to Philly late, got lost trying to find the place (by the by, kiddos...never use mapquest.com...never never NEVER!!), and finally found it by complete accident. After being escorted to a parking spot by what appeared to me to be a bum that was robbing the real parking guy, we had to ascend a shit load of steps to be dumped out in a quaint room full of long hairs. It looked like something on the set of Moulin Rouge and I was instantly at ease. I loved it. All I needed was some absinthe and I would have been set.

After much ado and meeting up with Bunny and her friend, I ecstatically watched Satan step on the stage and approach the microphone. He looked fucking amazing in his little leather ensemble and I found myself grinning up at him like some 12-year-old star struck idiot.

He hadn't even sung a note yet and I was swooning like a lovesick schoolgirl, drool and all.

The band was fucking phenomenal, but Satan had a few problems with his mic at first and I could barely hear him. Then the mic kicked in and his voice careened from him like an angry river. I stood there, the only black girl in there, rocking my head back and forth, sucking down my Coronas and puffing my ciggies, staring up at him in complete awe and admiration and I felt my soul shift when he seemingly looked at me, stuck out his tongue and smiled.

I was in love.

It was only Satan...the same guy that calls me up and tells me hilarious tales from his earlier hound dog days till I'm practically peeing in my pants at my desk...the guy that used to always find some way to make me smile when I was down or laugh out loud when I was too quiet...the same guy that scared the shit out of most people in the office with his tantrums, causing everyone to look over at me and ask me what's going on or give me the "please do something before he kills someone" look...the guy that was a complete asshole most of the time to everyone here, including his friends...everyone but me...

Yeah..this was the same guy standing up there in front of me, singing his sick little heart out while his band raged on...yup...same ole' Satan...

And I was drowning in visions of ripping at his shirt and kissing his thighs like some crazed lunatic.

Yup...I'm a fucking nutcase.

After his set, he came down and schmoozed the crowd like only Satan can do, and after grabbing my ass a few times (yeah..I liked it...a little bit...) he introduced me to his web guy as his "favorite friend in the world" and dude...I wanted to die...or smother him with kisses...I'm not sure which one. (Poor Jenny heard about this announcement several times on the way home and the next day. Even though she was standing right there when he said it, I felt the need to repeatedly refresh her memory...sorry Jenny). Jenny watched the other bands play, but I hauled my ass to the bar and pilfered a seat, sat down, and began my drinking spree. Jenny said I looked hilariously cute as I sat there bobbing my head to the music with my eyes closed and my lips poked out in a fake kiss.

Liquor does that to me...I am in my own little world whenever I converse a bit with Mr. Cuervo.

I ran into the guitar man while looking for Satan to say good-bye. I introduced myself and he held my hand as he told me a story and I just smiled and listened. He then leaned to tell me I was adorable and kissed my neck. I giggled and blushed and thanked him...and he insisted that I was adorable and a nice girl, he could tell, just from the way I blushed when he said that to me. I blushed and thanked him again, and he said he hoped to see me again and made me promise that he would. I told him I was coming to the CD listening party, and he smiled at me and kissed my cheek, calling me cute and saying he couldn't wait to see me again.

Satan told me today that he is married.

BOO!!! HISSSSSSSS!! BOOOOOOOO!!

Bad guitar player man to flirt with me in your drunken splendor and make me have horny dreams of you and Satan and being your love bitch traveling the back of the tour bus, washing ya'lls clothes and cooking your meals and kicking the skanks asses when they get a little too rowdy!!!

Ok...the fascination didn't go that far...but it could have!!

I found Satan outside, fucked up and leaning against a truck and he thanked us again for coming out. I looked at his rugged face for the millionth but the first time and smiled and hoped it wouldn't be the last time I would see him for awhile, totally glowing from my enamoration of him, smiling at him shyly like an idiot when he grinned evilly at me and said good bye. I rushed forward to hug him...I just had to...and I ran my fingers through his gossamer hair and said I loved him and thought he was awesome.

I thought my knees were going to buckle when he held me tight and chanted, "Aw...I love you too, hun!"

I was in Heaven.

I didn't ride home...I flew.

So yeah...I totally want to be a groupie bitch now. I want to have Satan's babies and raise a nation of fallen angels with demons wings and voices that make the saint's souls bleed. I want to be Satan's house bitch that comes to all of the shows and keeps him from being bothered after the shows by two bit asshole fans that don't know when to leave him the fuck alone. I want to pimp his merchandise until my fingers are raw and my throat bleeds.

I want to be Satan's bitch.

Am I wrong for wanting that?

And...his band was on the radio Sunday night on the new local band spotlight!!

I am so in love....well...so in awe, at least.

Watch out Swiz...you got some fierce competition looming on the horizon!!

Ahhhh...Satan's Slave...

has a nice ring to it, don't it?

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Thea's Weekly Horscope

Sun Sign: Aquarius

Rising Sign: Aquarius

Neptune begins to move forward in your sign this week, after a spell of retrograde motion. This might coincide with a period in which you see more clearly, after a spell in which matters have been confused and perhaps have kept you tied in knots. You are beginning to understand what you want, and to differentiate this from what you think you want - in some cases, there is a big difference between the two. Both the Sun and Mercury move into Scorpio this week, which puts the emphasis on your career progress. Now you will have more work to do, but you are also eager to get on with it. The fact that Saturn in Cancer turns retrograde this week may mean that you have obstacles and delays to face at work. You may find you have to tread water for a time, but don't allow yourself to get stressed or too uptight about the events that come your way - ride the waves rather than fighting them, and make sure you get plenty of rest. Look for new options, and pare away your schedule so that you are not busy doing tasks which are ultimately a waste of time and energy. Your love life looks promising - a date with a professional could be very exciting.