swiz swoon #3
October 02, 2003 � 7:49 p.m.

Second Entry Today

Mood-floating

Blind-Three Doors Down

"You telling me that you ain't fucking with other niggas? Stop lying! Don't lie to me...don't lie to me, The-The...please...don't."-Rush

Recurring thought-Geez...I wish these butterflies would cease their fluttering!

A classic "What the Fuck?!?!" moment-Swiz called me today and we kept fading and disconnecting and I kept running in and out of the building to talk to him, just so I could chicken out and only ask, "Are we alright?" to which he answered, "Come on, kiddo...you know that! Always."

Great...another conversation where nothing is asked or answered, but my stomach still can't stop it's fluttering.

I'm not built for this shit....not at all.

**************************************************

All night.

You stayed with me all night until 7 am.

Stayed and slept beside me, hugged up under my side and holding onto my hand as if was the only thing keeping you from falling off the world.

All night. Damn. All night.

And all of this after yet another torrent of sexual confessions. Another burst of emotion from you begging me to be true in my proclamations...making me say you were the only one over and over as you clawed me tightly and barging your way to the core of me.

"Tell me the truth."

"I am!"

"No...you ain't telling the truth. Who you lying to?"

"I'm not lying baby! I swear!"

"What?"

"I swear! Oh shit...I fucking promise you I ain't lying!"

"Please...tell me..."

"It's you baby...all you..."

"What would you do to prove it to me?"

"Anything..."

"What?"

"Anything you want me to do, baby! Anything!"

"Mmmmmmmm....so you're saying whatever I want, huh?"

"Yes!"

"Damn you girl...it can't be...you can't be all mine..."

"Uh huh!"

"Mmmmmm baby....you are mine!"

The climax haze had attacked my senses, but I know I heard you say it...I know you wanted me to hear you say it because you made sure to lean in close to my ear and saturate it into my subconscious so that now it is the only thought that drifts through my mind when a moment of silence comes...

"You are mine."

Yes...I am yours...all yours...but you...you are not mine...and that only makes me your lovesick whore to the rest of the world, but they don't know...they don't understand what this really is...

...and as soon as we figure it out I'll make sure to scream it into the night so they will know and remember it forever...

just like I will you.

You slept beside me, curled and contrite in your child like slumber and I smoked my cigarette absently, thinking of our words, our lovemaking, our situation...

savoring the sour taste of nicotine and you on my wicked tongue as my mind wandered over lascivious thoughts and my heart swelled with nonsensical hopes.

I turned to face you, cradling you in my arms so your heart pounded through your back and onto my breast to confuse the rhythm of mine, and I fell asleep after wafting in your scent, licking my lips for your taste, running my fingers across your skin...and I leaned to whisper in your ear so it would saturate into your subconscious,

"Stay with me, Swiz...stay with me forever...I do love you so...

You Are Mine.�