watching porn with my chick
September 26, 2003 � 2:19 p.m.

First Entry Today

Mood-chipper?

Lullaby-Perfect Circle

"Love humiliates you...but hate cradles you."-White Oleander

Recurring thought-My god...I smell just like Cowboy...

A classic "What the Fuck?!?!" moment-Cowboy calls me at work telling me there was an emergency and he needed my car. After "emergency" I totally freaked and just agreed to stay the night there so he could use my car this morning.

The emergency?

He needed to cash his check and pay his storage bill.

OK...how stupid am I?

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You know...being sick physically always make me question just how sick I am mentally. As embarrassing as this story is, I will share this you all...my invisible diary land friends...to show you just how retarded and psycho I can be when my head is so stuffed up that my logic takes a fat ass holiday.

So...I left here the other night and went to Chick Fila to grab me some grub. Now...all who have ever tasted the Chick either love it or hate it...there is no in between...and those who love it are damn near obsessed by it. It's like they flour the chicken in crack before they fry it and you just can't get enough of the stuff.

So I get there, and because the damn line was so fricking long, it gave me too much time to go back and forth with what I wanted in my head. Initially, I was going to get 2 sandwiches, one to eat on the way home and one for my "later snack". Well...the longer I sat there the more I rationalized that I needed to stack up on the Chick because the smell was driving me insane and I figured I would just stash the rest in the fridge so I would have something to eat the next day...or...whenever I wanted some Chick, I would have a secret stash put away. Yeah...starting to sound like a fiend, right? Wait, it gets better. I go to the window and at the last second blurt out that I want 4 sandwiches and an order of nuggets. I could eat the nuggets on the drive home much easier than a sandwich, I would have a sandwich for my "later snack", and three put away for my "whenever cravings".

So I scarf down my nuggets on the drive home, but as I trek up the steps into my place, I realized that if I put my sandwiches in the fridge...especially hidden...that my brother would find them and eat them!!

Okay...this is where I get totally weird.

I look around my messy place (thanks to brother dear) and I get irrationally angry. Maybe it's because I hadn't had a smoke in a few days and I was really feeling sick and achy...I don't know, but I hug my Chick to my chest and vow that he will NEVER get his hands on it!! But as I'm looking around and realizing that I was home alone for the first time in awhile, I decided that I needed to strip down to my undies, sit on the couch, and watch some porn while I eat my Chick. So I fly back down to bolt and chain the door and proceed to carry out my agenda.

I sit on the couch, not really watching the porn but humming and bouncing as I ate my sandwich with secret glee, wishing I had some vodka to wash it down with.

The porn started to bore me, but I couldn't get up just yet because I hadn't decided what to do with the rest of my Chick...where to hide it in the fridge where he wouldn't find it.

Well watching the porn made me feel dirty so I wanted to take a shower, but before I got into the shower, I had the brilliant idea of taking a bite out of each remaining sandwich so he would look at it and see I had started eating it and then not want it. So I bit 'em all and put them back in the bag and left them on the living room table while I took a shower. While in the shower, I felt nervous and guilty that my brother would come home and be locked out because the chain was still on the door and I didn't want him to hear the screaming from the porn and think it was me and come bursting in the door ready to kick some ass and completely ruin my chicken and porn party, so I jumped out of the shower, threw on a night shirt, turned off the porn, and unchained the door. I put White Oleander and sat there enthralled while I still pondered the dilemma of my Chick.

My solution? Don't fucking laugh...

To periodically bite each sandwich until I was full so he wouldn't want to eat a half eaten sandwich. Problem is, my brother has no qualms with eating after me, and he would gladly polish off whatever I left hidden in the fridge. So even though I was full and starting to feel a bit nauseous, I still crammed them down my gullet because I was determined not to let him have the satisfaction of finding MY CHICK and eating it!

Yup...spent the rest of the night moaning in my bed because my tummy was hurting like a mother fucker and I was too lazy to go to the CVS to get some Pepto.

I still do not know what possessed me to do that...any of it...to buy that much Chick Fila, watch the porn in my skivvies, jump out of the shower half clean just to cram food that I no longer wanted down my throat because I didn't want my brother, who wasn't even there, to find it and have it.

I blame it on the cold. When I�m sick I tend to do sick things.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Tell anyone about this and I will kill you.

I mean it.

I WILL kill you.

It was my Chick....

MINE, MINE, MINE, MINE, MINE!!!!!!!!!!!!

I need help...