upon a star
September 12, 2003 � 1:15 p.m.
First Entry Today
Mood-weird
Man In Black-Johnny Cash
"Okay...so I'm your non-sexual girlfriend. What the hell else is new?"-Jen Everett
Recurring thought-What the hell am I going to wear tonight?
A classic "What the Fuck?!?!" moment-Going to the casino, coming up with the million dollar combo, but winning nothing because you had to put THREE coins in and not TWO.
I GOT THE TRIPLE SEVENS BUT BECAUSE I DIDN'T PLAY THREE QUARTERS I DIDN'T WIN DAMN NEAR TWO MILLION DOLLARS!!!!!!!!!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
WHAT
THE
FUCK?!?!?!?
FOR TODAY'S "WHAT THE FUCK?!?!" RANT, GO HERE
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Today is Jenny's birthday. We are going out tonight to get her nipples pierced and then to Shampoo or Sisters or something to celebrate. Since I know she won't be seeing this I can finally spill what I got her.
I bought her a star.
She can name it and they will give her the coordinates and a certificate and everything! I know it seems like a hokey gift, but I think it's fucking awesome. I love stars and I love Jenny and now there will be a part of our story forever written amongst the stars.
Jeez, I sound like a lovesick girlfriend!!!
Speaking of that, we have decided that we ARE in a relationship, we just don't have sex...yet...but we can have sex with other people. Sounds stupid, but hey...it was funny but logical to us when we talked about so screw you if you don't like it!! We always joke about that shit.
How funny would it be though, if we DID end up a couple?
Hmmmmmm...stranger things have happened.
Stranger like hitting the fucking winning combo on a slot in Atlantic City only to find out you don't get zip because you "didn't play enough coins".
Can I tell you I freaked the fuck out?
Ok. I freaked the fuck out.
I stood there seriously ready to flip because I didn't win. We went out tot he boardwalk and it just kept coming in waves. Damn near two million dollars.
I would have been a fucking millionaire.
TWO MILLION DOLLARS.
I have never felt like such a loser in all my life. Part of me wanted to cry, but I saw how I was upsetting Jen so I stayed out on the boardwalk by myself to calm down.
I haven't been to the ocean in years, pathetic, I know, since I only live like 45 minutes away. Last night, it was just beautiful. The moon as fat and red and just hanging there on the horizon. It looked like it was sitting on the ocean, and the waves were angry and huge as they attacked the shore. God, I felt so at peace, more so than I have in a very long time.
I will never stay away from the ocean that long again.
I want my ashes to be scattered into the sea when I die, so I will be one with the waves and shore forever.
*sigh*
Jenny won big, though. Spent $100 won $800 and came home with $300. Said I was her lucky charm. Glad I'm something to somebody.
I still haven't heard from Swiz, but somehow that does not surprise me at all. I'm not waiting to hear from his ass either.
Life is too damn short for all the bullshit.
One day, maybe he and I will be able to make sense of it all and it work it out.
Maybe we will be together one day.
Maybe not.
Only important thing is that I don't let my life pass me by while waiting for yet another man to decide whether or not I'm worth the gamble.
I don't need to know their desicion.
I already know I'm priceless.
And no one will ever have me believe otherwise again.