cowboy convo #17
August 12, 2003 � 8:40 p.m.

Second Entry Today

Mood-Still hungry and even sleepier

Momma, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be COWBOYS-Willie Nelson

"Thank you for being in my life."-Ben Kirkley

Recurring Thought-Need money!!

A classic "What the Fuck?!?!" moment-Forgetting that listening to Billie Holiday is NOT a good idea when you decide you can finally let someone go.

"You've changed...

you're not the angel I once knew...

no need to tell me that we're through...

it's all over now, you've changed"

Damn that Billie and her beautifully haunting hymns of unrequitedness!!

**************************************************

Here we are again, love.

I can't believe we were all alone and I was able to keep from saying or doing anything I would only live to regret later.

We were all alone in that house. I was laying half asleep on the couch while right above me I could hear you tossing and turning in your bed. We were both laying there uncommonly restless.

Finally alone together, yet still apart.

I wondered around downstairs, doing my laundry, playing with the pets, writing in my journal...while you trudged around upstairs watching TV, going to the bathroom, and talking on the phone.

We were all alone in our thoughts.

Finally together and yet still apart.

We stood five feet away from each other, talking aimlessly...both of us so nervous we created compulsions to dilute the magnetism we felt vibrating the air. We saw into each others souls while our eyes tried to mask our loneliness, for no solace can be found in anyone else's arms except OURS. We stood there pretending and lying, bound by our mutual dissent for our current sitaution, loving and hating each other with every weighted breath.

We were all alone in our loneliness.

Finally together, yet still apart.

I guess I should be happy that we had that time not together on Sunday, because it made me realize that they way we are now it 1000 times better that if we actually were still trying to be together...

still drifting even farther apart.

So this is how we will have to remain, locked together by our love...yet pushed apart by our fear.

This...we...will always be here.

We will forever gravitate in each other's orbits.

Happy Birthday, Cowboy.

I wish you love.