truncated madness
August 05, 2003 � 7:23 p.m.
Only Entry Today
Mood-Bloated...yuck!
April Shower-Dru Hill
"What would Jesus NOT do?"- Choke
Recurring thought- I miss Satan
A classic "What the Fuck?!?!" moment-Cock blocking myself from getting laid.
WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUUCK?!?!
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So.
By accident, I called my married guy, Ric, on Saturday while I was at the Coast Line. I was trying to call my boss, Monkey, but dialed the wrong number. Anyway, I invited Ric to the Coast, he said maybe, I said alright then call me some other time, he said it's like that?, I said yeah...if you come you come...if not, just call me tomorrow, and I hung up. Brief and rude for a guy I haven't talked to in a month, so yesterday, boredom and my concious got the better of me so I called him to see how he was doing.
Regular bullshit conversation about nothing in particular but laced with mild flirtation ensued, followed up with him asking, "So when can I come see your place?" I froze. I think I even stopped breathing for a few seconds. I was bouncing between surprised and panicked. I tried to hedge him off with the old "my place is a mess, I just got home, I really need to shower" routine, but he had answers for each and said he had to shower first anyway, so he would come over when he was done and smoke his spliff at my place while we played catch up. I conceded and he said he'd only be like an hour.
As soon as we hung up, I called Jenny, freaking crazy out-of-my-mind panicking. I rambled on about not wanting to sleep with him but needing some sex in the worst way but I was still waiting to hear from Swiz and they are friends and it would just be slutty to sleep with guys that are friends and we all know each other and...and...and...just on and on. She calmed me down and reminded me I don't owe Swiz anything and it really shouldn't matter because technically we ALL are guilty of cheating in one way or another, so fuck it all, do what I want.
I thanked her and jumped in the shower.
I decided to go for it.
After waiting for him, the feeling waned though, and by the time he got there, I was back to completely frazzled and he knew it the minute he saw me. He's always been so good at reading me and I think at that moment he decided not to even try anything.
We played chess and I won. Big deal here...because he taught me how to play and I have NEVER beat him. It was nice being around him, even though I had to be tipsy in order to enjoy his company. When he left he hugged me and that's when it hit me.
I wanted to sleep with him...REALLY bad.
He left and I sat there stunned. I had actually cock blocked MYSELF. How the hell did I do that?
Sorry...just got sidetracked. Guess who just fucking called??!?
Swiz.
Damn...it's true...everything does happen for a reason. I never would have been able to look him in the face again if I had slept with Ric. Jeez...how weird is that? After nothing for 2 weeks, he calls me out of the blue. More than that...he wants me to meet his daughter this weekend!!!!
Ahhhhhhh.........Swwwwwoooooooooooon!!
How fucking great is that?!
Yet....what does that mean?
Okay...I can't dwell on that now. I'll wait til I get home to my vodka and then analyze it to death.
Any who...
here's an email exchange between me and Jenny.
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In a message dated 8/5/2003 12:23:36 PM Eastern Daylight Time, Thea writes:
Subj: Re: ugh!!
Date:8/5/2003 12:23:36 PM Eastern Daylight Time
From: thea
To:jenny
Received from Internet:
ok....
1. do you think i have the possibility to be attractive...and what would you say are my shortcomings?
2. do you think it would be a mistake to really give thought to having a baby within a year?
3. do you think i'm not being honest when i say i'm over cowboy?
4. do you really think, honestly, that i crowd you and call or email too much?
5. haha...do you really know what the cards were talking about when they said you were keeping something from me? hhe hee...you have to answer!!
----- Original Message -----
From: jenny
To: thea
Sent: Tuesday, August 05, 2003 12:40 PM
Subject: Re: ugh!!
You sneaky little bastard!! Sneakin that last question in and all....lol
ok....
1. Honestly - I don't think you have the possibilty to be attractive because there is nothing to change - you already ARE attractive. You've got a wonderful complextion, you dress with style. You always smell good. You have sexy eyes (eygptian and all). So - that answers that - you are already attractive. Shortcomings. Hmm...I honestly can't think of any. Maybe just that you blame yourself for other peoples mistakes when its not your fault at all.
2. The baby question. I've always been a firm believer that a baby is created out of a mutual love....and brought into the world with loveing parents. I know that doesn't always happen and I know one person inparticular that was single and purposely got pregnant just beacuse she wanted a baby. It will change your life alot. You'd have to be finacially secure and ready for the serious committment. I think you could do it if thats what you wanted to do. I'd support you in that. My opinion - I would wait until the time is right - and you are sure you have the support you and a baby would need.
3. The Cowboy question. honestly - no. I don't think you are over him. Sorry sweetie, ya know I love ya. He crowds your mind and every thought. He has moved on and somehow you are snagged in the past still. I would love to see you get past that too. It brings you down (understanably). I think you've tortured yourself long enough with it though. If you cling onto the past - you might totally miss an opportunity that is right in front of you. Ya know.
4. Not at all! I love spending time with you. We have fun doing everything and nothing. Its great. My day would be all out of wake if I didn't get to talk to you. We're each others support. You keep me sane and alive. Not to mention we can crack the fuck up like no tomorrow over absolutely stupid shit. Don't stop emailing, calling or whatever. I like being that kind of person to you. it makes me feel good. And it makes me feel good to know that i have you out there for me. :-) (big hugs) Love you T!!! :-)
5. LOL There was the one time I was gonna jump ya when you were walking around your apt half naked after I leaned in to kiss you at the club and you backed away...lol I'm kidding. LOL I have no idea what the cards were talking about but I wish I did know!!
:-P
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See why I love her so much? Isn't she just the cat's pajamas?
And lastly...I broke the 1,000 visitor mark!!!
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Wow!! There are actually people who like reading my boring ass life!! Thanks guys!!
Thank you for making me feel less alone in all of this.
I love you guys!!
I am celebrating by signing up for my first review...yipe!!
Wish me luck!
And hey....try leaving a girl some love so I know who you are, aiight? I got a map, guestbook, a tagboard, notes....say anything like Ione did.
Feel me?
Bitches always got to be greedy don't they?
Tee Hee