satan's exile
August 01, 2003 � 5:40 p.m.

Mood-heartbroken

Better Man-Pearl Jam

"Awww good bye, Thea. I'll miss you, too. But I have to get away from this place before I go back in there. I'll call you later."- Frank DeHaven

Recurring thought- I am going to miss Satan so much.

A classic "What the Fuck?!?!" moment- Looking up to see Satan throwing his key down and walking out the door.

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I had to put in this update.

Satan has left the building.

My Satan, my buddy, my sublimely enraged fallen angel, was just fired.

I could hear his voice arguing with someone, but he is always debating something with someone...and then I heard him say, "What...you're going to fire me?" I looked up and over at him, shaking my head and giving him the "don't do it" face that I always give him when he gets pissed off, but next thing I know the boss was saying "That's it pal. Go home. Nice knowing you."

The look on Satan's face was terrifying. I thought he was going to explode for sure, and I sat there looking over at him, watching him gather his stuff together, hoping he wouldn't just snap and haul off and start choking the shit out of the boss. I mean, he's been wanting to get fired and all, but I still knew he had it in him to beat the shit out of everyone here that had pissed him off.

Thank God he didn't.

I followed him out the door and called good bye to him, a bit hurt that he didn't even say anything to me on his way out, but he turned around and came back to me saying he was sorry for not saying good bye.

Honestly, I had been dreading this moment every since he had first told me he wanted them to fire him...and now it has come.

I hugged him and told him I was going to miss him, and he held me so tight that I didn't want to let him go. I started thinking about never seeing his face when I walk in, or him calling me during the day to tell me some stupidly outrageous story, or him making me laugh so hard my eyes would water and my ribs would hurt. I was so afraid I would start crying and get hysterical, but he kinda smiled at me and told me he would call me later and I felt like it would be alright...that he would be alright.

Satan.

He is the most lovable asshole you could ever hope to meet. The world class jerk with the heart of gold. My walking contradiction. How I love him.

Now I don't have anyone to make me smile when I feel sad or calm me down when I'm pissed the fuck off by someone in the place. I won't hear his lovely raspy voice busting someone's balls or laughing deviously from across the room.

How will I get through without seeing his devilish face everyday smiling at me or making faces at me from across the room?

He gave me a sword as a house warming gift for goodness sake!! He knows me better than anyone!! We are connected in some strange kismetic way.

Ahhh Satan...my muse, my laughter, my savior...my secret crush...you will be with me always...no matter what.

I refuse to lose you now.

I will not say good bye.

I love you, you crazy mother fucker.

Don't you ever fucking let go.