cowboy convo #12
July 29, 2003 � 8:43 p.m.

Mood-lost

Sistinas-Danzig

"I knew right then...when I was feeling low and crying and you showed up at my door and just hugged me and held me and I felt better from that. I felt better just because you were with me. Right then, I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you."- Ben Kirkley

Recurring thought for the day-Why did he have to tell me he wanted to be with me forever?

A classic "What the Fuck?!?!" moment- Realizing I have to let you go even though you're already gone.

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I don't know what to do.

I need you're help, Cowboy...please help me.

Let Me Go.

I thought that I was the only one holding on, but I'm not. You're holding on too. You won't give me an answer.

You won't say "It's over".

You won't say "I don't love you anymore."

You won't say "I don't want to see you again. I don't want you to be my wife. I don't want you to be the mother to my children. You weren't good enough for me. It was all a lie."

You won't say "Good bye."

Maybe that's why I'm holding on to you so hard...because you won't let me let go.

Because on some level, you really don't want me to let you go.

You want me to wait around while you have your fun and then be there at the end of it all to take care of you when fun time is over.

You want me to be there when you know the other women aren't going to care to be there.

You want me to understand you when no one else wants to bother to try to understand.

You want your cake and eat it too.

You don't want to be with me, make any verbal promises to me, but you don't want me to let you go.

You don't want to know what's going on in my life because you don't want to know that I'm moving on.

Deep down, you don't want me to ever stop being in love with you because then you know that you will always be able to come back.

You want to always be the only man in my life.

But I need you to let me go. I am not strong enough to walk away on my own. I can't turn my back on you...on hope...on dreams...on love. I am not strong enough to admit that it was all a lie.

That you were nothing but lie after lie.

That my love is nothing to you but a means to an end for manipulating me.

That you never loved me.

Please...please...just let me go...

let me find peace...

let me find dreams...

let me find love...

please, please, please, please, please.....

I love you...

let me go.