cowboy convo #11
July 24, 2003 � 3:08 p.m.

Mood-Hungry

Steel Rain-Chris Cornell

Remember when you said we were all fragments of the same soul? I feel like I've found a big part of me that was always missing in you.-Ben Kirkley

Abused phrase for the day-I am sooooo fucking hungry!!

A classic "What the Fuck?!?!" moment-I was thinking about when Cowboy told he loved me and wanted a future with me, but didn't want to be with me.

HUH!?!?!

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I was watching a movie last night and it made me think about us. It's funny....I've always liked the word, but I never gave it much thought when it came to us.

The movie and word?

Serendipity.

That describes us. It means...ahem...n : accidental sagacity; the faculty of making fortunate discoveries of things you were not looking for.

That revelation soothes me. Thinking of how we were together...what we had together...how we found each other...that one word gathers everything up so perfect and neat that it makes me want to cry.

A fortunate discovery.

I was not looking for love when I met you. I never thought I would find such wonderful qualities in one person...one disturbingly magnanimous, exquisite, amalgem.

I never thought I would learn how to hope and really dream...I never imagined I had such capacity to love one man...believe in one man...hell...to just believe.

We were unexpected. We were blindsided.

We were ultimately duplicitous to ourselves.

Me by convincing myself it couldn't be true.

You by convincing yourself it shouldn't be true.

If we hadn't been trying so hard to fight it, looking for fault in the minutest of incidences, everything would have been fine.

If we would have just loved each other and been gracious of the fact that we were so lucky to have found each other, because no matter how much we might deny it, we will never find again in anyone else.

It will always be between just us...our discovery...our blessing...our salvation.

Unlike the movie, however, I do not believe that we will have a happy ending...

just an ending...and that makes me weep inside.

Serendipity...

it describes you...it describes me...

it is the perfect title

of the story

known as

us.