cowboy convo #10
July 23, 2003 � 1:02 p.m.

Mood-Thoughtful

She Rides-Danzig

"Just when I had given up on finding Ms. Right and setteling down with Ms. Right, you come into my life and change everything." Ben Kirkley

Abused word for the day-Fuck

Classic "What the Fuck?!?!" moment- Reading the first letter Cowboy wrote me and being too sad to even cry.

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I was cleaning up my room last night for the first time since I moved in. I still had my ring sitting on my dresser from when Blue had come over and asked to see it. I had to open it...was compelled to open it...it was as if I was under a spell and being commanded to do it.

I opened the box and the light reflected off the stone and caused a tiny rainbow to display on my wall.

I instantly fell into thoughts of you.

The way you smelled, the way you smiled, the way you touched me, how you made the most simple conversation sound like poetry...the way you always held my hand when we laid next to each other.

Suddenly you were everywhere in my room...in my apartment...in my life.

I reached and picked up my treasure chest so I could put the ring back, but when I opened it, I stared at the letters you had written and the the lyrics to songs that made me think of you that I had put in there. I thumbed through and pulled out the first letter you wrote to me. I had forgotten how painfully sweet it was. Haltingly scrawled across the pages was your first confession of a hope for forever..."I am so glad that you've come into my life, and god willing I will never find out what it's like not to have you in it."

Sometimes I think you make things chaotic and complicated just because that is the only median that you are comfortable in.

It would have been too easy to be with me and let me love you...there's no complexity in that...no drama.

You told me I had your whole heart and nothing could tear us apart.

You said you would do anything to make me happy.

God is willing, Cowboy...are you?