cowboy convo #8
July 21, 2003 � 5:53 p.m.

Mood-Sleepy

I've Got You Under My Skin-Frank Sinatra

"Sure, I'll come next time. In fact, that'll be awesome because it will be my birthday weekend. We'll party into my brithday, so yeah...that will be very cool." Ben Kirkley

Funny word-Luhvah(as in He's my luhvuh.)

****************************************

Well.

Uh....hmmmmm.

Ummmmm....

Hi?

Are we talking again? I mean...you came right in and spoke to me like I was anyone else in the world. Had I taken off my invisibility sheild? Did you get your cooties shot so now it's okay to be in the same vicinity as me without keeling over and dying from my odious germs? Has the awkward "Ewww I can't believe I was with THAT!" stage finally been phased out of your system?

I don't get it.

Just last Wednesday, you had rather sit outside all night than be in the same room or house as me...and Saturday...you came...you came right into the same room I was in...WILLINGLY...and held a conversation with me included.

We...we conversed. We spoke. We traded words.

Don't get me wrong...I enjoyed it...immensely actually. I had forgotten how much I just liked talking to you.

I can't believe it.

We...

We were just like normal people.

Holy shit.

What's wrong? What happened? What changed? What's different now? Why is it easy for you now? Why are you so willing now?

Did you miss me? Do you still love me? Are you just playing a game? Is this fun for you? Do you hate me and this is your form of torture? Do you regret it all? Or do you just regret what you did? Do you want to be friends now? Have you always wanted to be friends but didn't know how to handle it? Are you sick? Are you in trouble? Do you need money?

Do you need me?

I don't know. There are so many unaswered questions swimming around in my head right now. The answers couldn't be found at the bottom of any of my glasses I've been emptying lately.

They couldn't be found in me trying to forget you and hate you.

They couldn't be found in me loving and forgiving you.

The answers couldn't be found in Swiz's arms.

So what is the answer Cowboy?

What is going on?

Please don't turn to me just to fuck me up all over again...don't be nice to me now that you're starting to see the other women ain't shit, and only stay nice until you find another one that will take what will always be known to me as MY place in YOUR life and living OUR future...

No, no, no, no, no, no, no...

Don't do that to me. Don't play any games. Don't open up all the old wounds. Don't be an asshole again.

If you want to be my friend and be in my life, then do it unconditionally and honestly.

If you really want to try to be civil and cohabitate with me on this planet peacefully, then don't start something you won't finish.

Don't do anything to leave me here broken hearted again.

I guess I should wait to see if we even have a second conversation first, huh?

What kind of spell have you cast on me?

Why won't you set me free?

Or at least...why can't you love me?