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July 21, 2003 � 2:13 p.m.

Mood-Exhausted but exhilarated

My Plauge-Slipknot

"If one person can change, then the world can change." 2 Weeks Notice

Funny word-Bluftonme'

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My weekend has been one for the record books. Not because astounding and groundbreaking things have happened, but because strange things happened.

Saturday I'm dying Jenny's hair...you know...girl talking it up about everything and nothing...and Cowboy comes home. OK...normally, he would grunt a hi or something and go upstairs. No...not this time. This time he came in the kitchen with us and gives a cheery "Hello" and stands there looking at us...watching me color her hair. He starts some small talk, not to me in particular, but not dis-including me either. There was no tension...no uneasiness...nothing. It was cool.

Then when I was leaving, Jenny made a joke about my sword and he said, "You have a sword?" and I said yes. He asked which one and I told him it was a replica of the Gladiator sword and I got it as a housewarming gift from Satan. He was like, "Wow...that's one hell of a housewarming gift!" and I laughed and said yeah, said goodbye and he said for me to have fun when we go out and I said thanks and left. It didn't hit me until I was driving home.

He spoke to me. A short conversation, but a conversation none the less.

I was absolutely giddy.

Then I go out and drink myself sick because I needed to stop the voices.

Good huh?

So the next day, me, Jenny, and Darryl pile up into my car and head down to mom's to drop her mail off, and she's not there. She's in fucking Jersey. After bitching and telling me off and not answering her fucking phone for a week...after whining about how her car was broke and blah, blah blah...she's been up here in Jersey at least 4 days last week, and she never bothered to pick her damn mail up. We drive all the way down there, wasting gas and most of our day, and not only is she not there...our fucking keys didn't work to open the house.

We couldn't even get into the fucking house.

So we try to salvage it...and at least make our trip somewhat worthwhile, by picking up some cigs. We wanted to pick up a carton each. Forty bucks up here is twenty seven bucks down there.

We are sweating our balls off in my little ass car driving around and guess what?

All the tobacco stores are fucking closed.

So...pretty much we're all pissed on the way back because the trip was a total waste, we're hot, I wasted gas, me and Jenny could have been hanging at her mom's pool...anything...anything would have been better than that.

We get home and I go over to Jenny's to do my laundry and burn some cds. We're in her room messing around and I hear him get up and come out of his room. To my surprise, he appears in the doorway. Asking what we were up to and how was our night. He runs down for something to drink and comes back up and talks to us from the doorway. We even have some jokes pass between us and he told me a few songs I might like to get...I give him some of my cigs because he didn't have any and was broke. I told him he should come with us next time we go out and he said ok. Oddly enough, that will also be his birthday.

I am going to be out partying with him on his birthday.

He willingly said he wants to go out with us and have some fun.

His birthday...We will be out together on his birthday.

He commited himself to going out with us two weeks in advance and sounded excited about it.

I have no clue what that's all about, but I'm like someone wandering lost in the middle of the desert tricked by a mirage...it might be a glass of sand...but I'll take what I can get.

So I guess we have a truce...for now.

And I'm so happy about it I could just bust out a fucking double backflip.

Around midnight, while I'm still at Jenny's, I get a call...from Swiz.

He said he would meet me at my place. Mind you...my head is still swimming from the breakthrough with Cowboy, and then my heart starting leaping around as soon as I hear Swiz's voice. I kiss Jenny and race home...the confusion mounting even more as I get closer to home. The anticipation damn near unbearable as I climb the stairs and rush to straighten up. He calls me five minutes later to tell me he's outside and I tell him the door is unlocked but I'm in the bathroom.

I come out of the bathroom and he is lying in my bed buck nekkid!!

I was nervous as shit. I perched on the edge of the bed again, but this time he didn't just look at me and wait for some sign. He started rubbing my thigh and told me to take off my shirt while I finished smoking...actually he just started to take it off and when I weakly protested he just leaned forward and started playing with my ear.

Next thing I know...we are getting it IN like champs...fucking like minks.

I came and so did he...a first for both of us...at least together.

A first for me...besides with Cowboy.

He laid there next to me, as close as possible so we touched from chest to calf with my arm draped around him with my other hand propped under his neck and playing in his hair.

When he got up and left I hugged his pillow and fell into dreams about Cowboy.

What is wrong with this picture?!?!?