weeping willow
July 19, 2003 � 4:34 p.m.

Mood-anxious

You Learn-Alanis Morissette

"Cause the joke that you laid on the bed that was me

And I'm not gonna fade

As soon as you close your eyes and you know it

And every time I scratch my nails down someone else's back

I hope you feel it...well can you feel it" Alanis Morissette

Funny word-interuteran...(damn those Golden Girls!)

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Today feels like it's going to be one of those days.

Not a bad day...no...one of those exciting, roller coaster, flirty, chance of meeting someone kind of days.

I'm going out tonight with Leenie and Jennie and a few people from Leenie's job. We are going to the notorious Coastline. The Coastline is a bar/grill/dance hall type of place that is stuck in like the mid eighties. There's a good mix of people there, but I swear, walking through that door on Saturday nights is like walking into a time warp. Women with ruffled skirts and big hair...fringed jackets and flare skirts...mafia men in slick suits and oiled hair...blinding Mr. T gold chains...music alternating between the Double Dutch Bus and Cyndi Lauper...I'm trying to tell you...it's one hell of a laugh riot. My age group goes there strictly for the laughs and good drinks.

What else is there?

My friend Kye came over and chilled with me last night. It was the first time he had seen my place. It was fun. I put myself on guard before he came...still confused over his last convo with me when he said his "sperm was on the market", but I think it wasn't needed. He came in, sparked up his blunt, and sat there joking with me while I guzzled down my 40 of St. Ides watching Chris Rock.

Ahhhhhhhh....lifestyles of the Ghetto Fabulous!!

I was bit sad when it was time for him to go. I'm always sad to see him go.

Kye.

My first love.

Literally.

We were about 4 years old, runnig around and fucking shit up in the neighborhood, when we crash to catch our breath under a huge weeping willow. He gave me a flower and leaned over and said, "I am going to marry you, Thea, and you'll always have to do what I say." He kissed me on the cheek and smiled. I punched him and ran away screaming "No way!" He chased me around the rest of the day.

We've been chasing each other all of our lives.

Young love...is there anything more poignant than that first admission of love?

Our initials are still cut in that tree...well...were in that tree until they cut it down. Now that day's just another blurry memory in my reverie of love. Incomplete, unexplored, amputated, and unrequited...just like the rest of my loves.

*sigh*

One day...

One day I'll get this love thing right.