random mind shuffle
July 16, 2003 � 7:01 p.m.

mood-silly

Paper Bag-Fiona Apple

"I'm sweating like a fucking cunt!" Sexy Beast

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Today is a silly kind of day at work. The day is dragging by soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

s

l

o

w.

I just want to go home and lay naked under my broke ass air conditioner that blows cold for an half hour then blows out warm air the rest of the night�.ummmm delish!!

I'm going out to the movies with Jenny in a bottle to see "League of Extraordinary Gentlemen", which should be tons of fun...but I'm also tempted to have a few drinks before we go.

I�m all out of Coronas, but I still have some vodka left�tonight seems like a good night to get drunk. Oh yeah, baby�behave!!

Me, Bunny, and Pippy have been joking around and giggling all day at stupid shit and making really crass statements that will either get us suspended or fired�now that some stupid new rule is in place about sexuality in the work place. Fuck!! The best thing about this place is that we don�t have to dress up for work and we can be as politically incorrect as possible. Now they are sanctioning a new censorship rule here on the isle of misfit toys and we toys are NOT happy. In fact, since the email has circulated, we have gotten 50 times worse. Fuck it�if we gotta go, we gonna go with a bang!!

Woooooooooooohoooooooo! Damn the man!!

I went and got my mom�s mail this morning, thus making me a fucking hour late to work. Will she appreciate it? No. She will complain about me bringing it to her NOW, even though I leafed through it and there doesn�t seem to be anything of importance in there. I wasted two hours of my life and an hour of pay to go pick up friggin� junk mail.

I could just kill her.

I have to go buy some pots and pans after work. I have all this food and all I can cook is fucking french fries and eggs because all I have is three saute' pans. I tried to cook mac and cheese a week ago and I schorched the pan. I actually burned fucking mac and cheese and I can cook. I was so pissed off I couldn't see straight. I had to throw away all of that food. Yeah...gotta get the pots and pans cause a bitch gotta eat and ordering lunch everyday is getting a bit pricey!!

I had another wacky dream last night that I remembered perfectly this morning, but I can�t remember a damn thing now except for the fact it was freaky so I can�t tell ya�ll about it, and I have no idea why I even brought it up if I can�t talk about it, so sorry for wasting 3 seconds of your life to read that.

I feel like I�m high.

You know�that high from boredom when your mind randomly swims over past, present, future events and scenarios�making it hard for you to concentrate on anything at all besides the fact that you can�t concentrate and you find that shit funny as hell.

No wonder weed is so popular�

So I wrote that entry to Swiz yesterday, and it wasn�t until I finished it that I realized that the last few lines were truer than I thought.

I am in love with Swiz.

I have been in love with Swiz for the past 5 years and I didn�t even know it. I thought it was just a crush, but it isn�t a crush, and when he was over my house the other night hugging my legs, it dawned on me that it is possible he feels that way, too. Shit.

Why does my timing always have to be so fucking off?

So dig it�

In the last two months, the only man I ever had dreams of forever with�the first guy that made marriage seem beautiful instead of deadly�the first man to touch my heart and know me inside and out, left me without giving me a good reason and now he avoids me like the plague�then�in the span of three weeks, I find solace in the arms of my first adult crush and have what seems to be my first one night stand�only to now lose his friendship and he will probably stay out of my life forever�never knowing that I love him.

I have lost the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with and the only man that had the power to take me from my would be husband if he was so inclined to do so.

Two loves gone and I have no clue what the fuck I have done to drive them away.

It�s a good damn thing that I�m in such a fucking silly mood or I�d be crying my eyes out right now.

Bloody hell.

I hate my life.