woo hoo!
2003-07-10 � 5:48 p.m.

mood-woohooie!!

She Talks To Angels-Black Crows

"I'm gonna get laid, I'm gonna get laid!!" Sex in the City

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OK, OK, OK....

Feeling quite excited at this very moment...just got a call from Swiz. He left a message saying how he had left his phone somewhere and got my message last night so he called today.

He's coming over later.

Well...he's calling later, but the message said he will more than likely be coming over later.

WHOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

Not saying that anything is going to happen...but the chances are 80%. Even if he just comes over to bullshit for awhile, at least he's coming. I really like being around him. He makes everything fun.

I am sooooooooooooooo excited right now!

Anyway...whew...so I have been drinking like a fish lately. I go home and the first thing I do is mix me a vodka and cran and curl up on the couch and smoke until my lugs hurt. Every night I stop by the liquor store and pick up another bottle of vodka because I know I'm going to kill off the one I have at home. I am up to a pack a day....which is WAY bad. I have NEVER smoked this much this long. I have smoked a pack in a day when I was stressing, but never for a series of days in a row. Then again, I've never spent a week getting drunk either.

AHHHHHHHHHHH....the joys of living alone.

Speaking of stressed...I have been having mad revelations and coming to conclusions about a lot of things in my life. It's like the drinks are a truth serum for my soul and my subconcious is confessing her ass off.

I am not mad at Cowboy anymore. In fact, I barely think of him. I just saw him a couple of weeks ago, but you know...I am having a real problem rememebering what he looks like. I dream of him...and I know it's him because of the body and how he moves...but his face is never clear. His voice is never HIS voice...it's some unknown voice that my mind is dubbing over his words. The mind...what a beautiful thing. How nice of it to let go of him for me...to make it easier. Yeah...I still rememeber everything he said and the way it felt to have him inside of me...but the little things...the main things I love about him are being blessedly blurred in my memory.

Sweet oblivion.

I would like to expound on my conversation with the big blue star that might have been a planet, but I am still slowly processing it. As soon as I can digest a few things that were said and realized, I will give an update as to what I will do next.

I haven't heard from Adam yet...I figured I wouldn't anyway...at least not right away. He will wait awhile and then just pop up at my door.

That's just his way.

I am glad that Swiz called, though. I was so afraid that he would end up being my one and only one night stand and I would never hear from him again. I really like him.

It's been awhile since I had this butterfly feeling in my stomach.

I forgot how good it felt.

Know something....as much as I loved Cowboy...he never gave me butterflies.

Hmmmmmmm....is that a good or bad thing?

Anyway...before I start thinking too much...

Toodles til tomorrow kiddies...and hopefully I'll have something juicey to tell ya'll!!