yup
2003-06-24 � 7:40 p.m.

Mood-p.m.s.n'

Fool of Me-Meshell Ndegeocello

"I would tell them you don't have to be nobody. Being somebody doesn't make you anybody anyway." Gia

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I wrote him a letter today. A nice little nasty ass snide letter politely telling him to fuck off and that I know now that I don't mean anything to him so I would never speak to him again after he gave me the rest of my shit. Yup. Wrote him a letter. Yup. Sure did.

Deleted it as soon as I was finished.

Yup.

I am the epitome of what a smacked ass should be. I spent over an hour on that stupid letter...trying to be snide but not bitchy...truthful but not bitter...pretty much saying fuck you but holla at me after awhile to see how I feel. It was the perfect blend of hurtful and haunting. Even a jerk like him would be affected by it in some way. And I erased it. Why?

Because I am a fucking idiot that is in love with the biggest asshole this side of the equator and even though he is all kinds of disrespecting me right now, I still can't let him go.

I am definitly going to win the smacked ass of the year award this year. Yup...no doubt about it.

I will send that letter off one day...just you wait and see...I am going to tell him the fuck off. I really want to do it in person though...so he can see it on my face and hear it in my voice...I want that image to haunt the shit out of him years from now when he's stuck in a nowhere relationship with a bitch that only thinks of him as a dick with a paycheck and is bleeding his old ass dry by making him give up all the things he loves and work 3 jobs that he hates while she lazes about getting high and fucking all his friends...yeah...he will wake up in that life and he will remember me...remember my face and my voice and how I looked at him and how I let him be himself and how I just loved him so much...no matter what...he was always good enough for me...I made him happy...

Yup...I will forever be the only girl that knows him and forever be the only girl he can never be with because of that...

Yup yup...he will wake up and remember me and regret all he did to me because he knows it made it so he could never come back to me. He sabotaged his only chance at true happiness just for a pretty, white, shapely little package that takes it up the ass and ignores all of his bullshit and lets him hide behind it all instead of being a real man and face reality...

Yup...I am and always will be the one that loved him without limits...and I always will be the only one he can never have no matter how bad he begs...

well...unless he comes back sometime soon...you know...before I really get used to the idea of him being gone...

Damn...

on second thought...

I'm gone get the smacked ass of the decade award for this one.

At least I'm a winner in something, huh?