kamikaze rain
2003-06-18 � 12:40 p.m.

mood-melencholy

Say yes-Flowetry

"I don't want to need you because I can't have you." Bridges of Madison County

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I have always loved the rain. When I was younger I would take long walks in it...sit out on the curb in it...splash around and muddy up my clothes in it...and as I got older, my passion for the rain only increased...only I wasn't as eager to get soaking wet in it anymore. Yes...I have always loved rainstorms...but all of this fucking rain lately is driving me fucking mad and I can't fucking take it anymore!!

I'll explain why...because it is not the obvious reason.

One time when I was over Cowboy's house, we were laying in the bed half sleep, talking aimlessly as we stared out of the window and watched as night slowly metled into morning and it started to rain. Big fat droplets of it that crashed against the window and exploded into thousands of baby drops that rolled down the side of the house and slammed into the ground.

Kamikaze rain.

I looked over and he was gazing at me. Not saying anything...just looking at my face like he was trying to memorize it. And he reached out and pushed my hair back and cupped my cheek before he came forward to rub noses, give me a kiss, and flutter his eyelashes against mine...his three kinds of kisses...3 kisses for Thea.

We started kissing and I laid on my back and he lumbered over me. I was about to say something, but he said, "Shhhh...don't say anything. Just close your eyes and listen to the rain and feel me inside of you."

So I closed my eyes and listened to the rain as he pushed inside and amazingly the sound of the rain pounded in my ears...I felt so close it...I imagined we were in a bubble floating through the sky, pelted around by the rain. It was so amazing. I felt like we were the only ones left in the universe...nothing else mattered except the fact that we were together. I felt as if I could touch Heaven.

I held on to him tight as I could, gripping my legs around his waist and playing with his nipple rings with my fingers, and I didn't utter a word...I was lost in the feel on his skin, of his scent, of him moving deep inside of me...and the rain was beating on the world angrily, trying to purify it so it would be worthy of a love like ours...

When we were done, we laid there, tightly binded in each others' arms breathless, and he kissed my forehead and rubbed my back before saying so simply it made me cry, "You make me so happy. I have never been this happy. You are my girl." I fell asleep with him hugged behind me, and I had never been so content in my life. I had never felt so much love for anyone as I did for him then, and I know I never will.

That is why I am beginning to hate the rain. Every time it rains I remember that morning...and I can smell him again, taste him on my tongue, feel him moving inside of me...I hear him whispering for me to listen to the rain and telling me how I made him happy...I remember how happy I was and how much I loved him...love him.

I wonder if he knew that when he said that and did that, I would always think of him when it rained...did he know then he would someday ruin the rain for me? He made it so my love for rain would forever be connected to my love for him...and that beautiful morning when we watched the dawn chase the night away, making love to the sound of the kamikaze rain.

"You know the place between sleep and awake...that place where you still remember dreaming? That's where I will always love you. That's where I will always be waiting for you."

I fucking hate the fucking rain.