water water everywhere...
2003-05-29 � 3:36 p.m.

Tumbling towards Ectasy-Sarah McLaughlin

mood-pissed and confused

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Ok....can I just say I hate the world? I hate love!!

I just found out that a girl that used to work here is getting married to her friend that just came back into her life after being gone for like ever. Damnation!! I would never begrudge anyone happiness...especially this woman because she really deserves it...but damn! That is the second one in a week...where conflicteed lovers worked out their issues and decided to be together. The other was my girl Bunny.

I work with Bunny...I readily admit she is the sweetest person in the world with just a touch of naivete that makes her endearing...not annoying...and she so pretty...a pinup girl face. You gotta love her. But...she always had the worst luck with men. Her latest has dragged her through hell...and just when she gave up...he woke up. He realized what a treasure he had in her and didn't want to let her go. Hooray for Bunny. I had always told her it seemed like he was trying to do things purposely to chase her away (me and him are both Aquarius' I know him better than he knows himself...that's just how us waterbabies work) and I was right. I had always hoped that they would be able to pull it together because I knew under all of his bravado he really was a great guy, and fuck me, I was right. I should be happy right? In a way I am...I'm happy for them...I want my Bunny to happy...but...I never imagined that he would prove true. I mean...Cowboy was always the good one and Chuck was always the asshole. How ironic is it that Chuck turns out to be the good guy and Cowboy the asshole?

Disillusioned is not the word.

Married. Ha! I was so pissed my hands started shaking and I actually had to put my head down. Love is proving true everywhere with every one...every one but me.

Water water everywhere and not a drop to drink.

I am rambling...I know it...and I hate it when I ramble...I hate feeling like this...I feel so fucking petty...I wish them all great happiness...really guys I do...so please don't start thinking you can't come to me with your happy stories anymore Bunny...I have always lived vicariously through them and I never steered you wrong...have I?

Now I am just waiting for the third couple. Everything always happens in threes. That has always rung true in this place for some reason. So who is the next happy couple that I will have to envy? Who will be the next one to rub it in my face that I was dropped like a bad habit after pissing everyone off by floating around here in a daze so happy...for once I was genuinely fucking happy...

Blasphemy!

I need to calm down....need to breathe...in...nam ya ren gey quo...out...happiness comes eventually to all...even to someone like me...

some day...

just not today.

Oh fuck all!!